What a Difference a Year Makes

Tomorrow I start a new school year with a fresh batch of kiddos! Last year I was so nervous about going back because I barely had any hair and was in the middle of treatment. Somehow I made it through. I finished chemo, radiation and surgery all while teaching full time. I'm pretty sure I have no idea how I did that. This year is much better. I have a full head of hair, and am done with all the hard stuff. I worry about every ache and pain and I just hope and pray to all entities who will listen, that all I endured worked. I am working hard at moving on.

I feel pretty good. I do whatever I want. I have some sore muscles across the left side and back. It's all connected so I can feel it when I stretch. I also think working in the camper last weekend made me sore. I always forget what I did prior to the aches. I believe I'm good to go and am living my life in that manner. I wish I didn't have so many daily reminders, pill, horrible scars, short hair, extra pounds (which are slowly coming off), stiffness and overall feeling of being damaged goods. Maybe I've completed the hard physical stuff-now to conquer acceptance of the me that I am.  It's all way better than the alternative! I'm happy to be here! Very happy.

Hello

It's been awhile since I've checked in, so here I go. I'm feeling really good lately. I just came back from a trip Brad sent the kids and I on-to Disneyworld! For unforeseen reasons, we had to cancel the trip we had planned to Costa Rica to celebrate me finishing up. So Brad knew it was important for me to do something kind of big with the kids-so Disney it was. Plus, he didn't have much interest in going. So we went! We had a great time, absolutely exhausting. We walked and walked until our feet were blistered but we did a ton! The first night, travel night, I was worried because I had been having some back pain and that weird stomach pain again. I thought, oh no, here we go. So the last thing of that night I rode the Space Mountain roller coaster. When I was done my back and stomach pain were gone. I think everything got jolted back in place. Yeah!

I was worried because I feel something hard on my left side, but it's all along my scar, which is scar tissue. Duh. I'm wondering when the paranoia will cease. Will it ever? I have so much to live for and cannot let this ruin my life. I am moving on. I almost believe and feel like it never happened. Unfortunately I have many daily reminders. Maybe it will get easier. It takes time. And I hope I have lots and lots of time!