I had a good day at work, wasn't exhausted, came home and all was fine and then a few words and information changed my entire mood and outlook. It went downhill fast. Like a small lovely snowball that got kicked off the side of a mountain and started rolling and rolling, collecting ice and rock...yeah, that's how I feel right now. And it sucks. I am not feeling sorry for myself, I am not asking for any pity. Once in awhile I get an overwhelming urge of despair and nobody knows what it's like. I cannot explain to anyone the heaviness that can take over and it is hard to turn off the waterworks. I had a good weekend and a good day...that's what really sucks. I didn't see this coming. I know the intention wasn't there, but it happened.
I tried to go for a walk to get some fresh air, but Marley wanted to come with me and she grabbed a poncho and had shorts on so she froze and we made it two blocks away before we turned back. She knew something was wrong, she always does. I explained to her that I just don't want to be dealing with medical stuff all of my life and that everything has changed so much that sometimes it is hard for mom. Her sweet responses were so mature, "It will be all done before you know it", and "Besides a haircut you look the same to me." Somehow she always knows what to say to me.
I don't even know if Brad knows I am emotional, and I don't want to hear him say "get over it". He doesn't understand why I listen to people and hang on their every word. I guess it is just another flaw of mine. Add it to the list. Everyone says this is hard on him too, I guess it may be, but you wouldn't know. No heartbeats have skipped there. There are a few changes, but I haven't inconvenienced him too much. I know I am damaged goods-I don't expect him to like what he sees. I don't. I look so different-better than before though. Of course I want to look like I used to, but what choice did I have? All I can think of now is that I will end up some overweight, ugly, sickly person that only my kids could love. I was having a good day, now...downward spiral. Maybe I am pathetic. Maybe I should quite this blog crap so I don't have to let everyone know how pathetic I am. It's pretty silly to be putting this all out there to be looked at with pity. I can look in the mirror for that....One thing I am not is a liar, so I can't blog and say all is fine when it isn't and I guess I don't need to be publicly vulnerable anymore...maybe it's time to quit.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Easing Back to Me
I love fall weather. Jeans, long sleeves...a good reason to sit by a fire. Fall is the best, and today was a beautiful weathered day. For the most part it was a clean and putz around the house day, which was needed after yesterday. Dane returned from his sleepover all tired out, expected. We did some Halloween decorating, Marley and I that is. Brad baked bread, we cleaned up a bit, then went to a neighborhood Oktoberfest. I love parties when they are across the street from my house. No driving, can go home if needed, all good. We hung out there for a several hours, pretty chill. A few lederhosen, steins and food. I love my neighborhood and how awesome the people are, it is a great place to live.
Home now, not too late and getting kids ready for bed and another school week. I think this week is a little less crazy and really starts a week with no new chemo in my system. I am using positive thinking to get my energy back. I am ready. After letting loose on that jerk coach, and having some low key social time...I am feeling like things can get back to my normal. Sure I have only one week off before the next round of crap starts, so I want to enjoy it. I have even planned to go out on a date with my husband on Saturday and have Brad's mom come and hang out with the kids. I think I want sushi. Haven't had sushi since the night I found out I had cancer. That was back in March. I bet it will taste really, really good. Or at least I hope I still like it. I think so, nothing happened with my taste during treatment, dodged that side effect.
Tomorrow also marks the start of my chemo weight loss program. I shouldn't want to eat more and now I need to lose what I have gained, just in case the other drug does make me gain weight. But like I said, I am going with the weight loss that the paper said, nowhere did it say weight gain was a concern. Time for some good side effects for a change. Plus, the mind is a powerful tool and I am going to stay positive. I told the nurses that when I see them in three weeks, I will have lost at least 5lbs. I think that is a totally realistic goal. Has to start tomorrow though, Karen made chocolate chip cookies...I had two... oh well :)
Home now, not too late and getting kids ready for bed and another school week. I think this week is a little less crazy and really starts a week with no new chemo in my system. I am using positive thinking to get my energy back. I am ready. After letting loose on that jerk coach, and having some low key social time...I am feeling like things can get back to my normal. Sure I have only one week off before the next round of crap starts, so I want to enjoy it. I have even planned to go out on a date with my husband on Saturday and have Brad's mom come and hang out with the kids. I think I want sushi. Haven't had sushi since the night I found out I had cancer. That was back in March. I bet it will taste really, really good. Or at least I hope I still like it. I think so, nothing happened with my taste during treatment, dodged that side effect.
Tomorrow also marks the start of my chemo weight loss program. I shouldn't want to eat more and now I need to lose what I have gained, just in case the other drug does make me gain weight. But like I said, I am going with the weight loss that the paper said, nowhere did it say weight gain was a concern. Time for some good side effects for a change. Plus, the mind is a powerful tool and I am going to stay positive. I told the nurses that when I see them in three weeks, I will have lost at least 5lbs. I think that is a totally realistic goal. Has to start tomorrow though, Karen made chocolate chip cookies...I had two... oh well :)
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Day of Ball
A full day of ball, sun and drama.... We started out with a great game by the Sluggers, the girls won their first playoff game! Whoo-hoo...another game on the horizon. I am proud of the progress they have made, but another game....
Then we had a short break at home before Dane's game. I laid on the couch for a bit because I needed to. Although I don't really do anything but sit at Dane's game, it just takes a lot out of me to be outside all day.
Let's talk Dane's game...oh, boy. I will make a long story short, or at least bearable. We were winning. It was a great game, and Dane made a beautiful unassisted double play, really nice. It was the bottom of 7th inning and the other team started to make a comeback. Okay fine, we did that on Thursday-but here's the kicker. The other team was shaking the fence and screaming at our pitcher the entire time. They were taunting him and screaming and it was so obnoxious. All of our parents were getting really irritated. Our pitcher was clearly shaken, he mustered through and still did okay. However, they got us. They made their comeback and won. Their coaches allowed this behavior. A coach that was on first base walked by at one point and I let him have it. I have not yelled at another adult like I yelled at this guy in a long time or ever. Unless of course you count Brad. :) I told him that his team's behavior was unacceptable and how could he let them scream like that, how could he teach them that it was the right thing to do? I kept going on and on and was just letting him have it about being a responsible coach and teaching kids.... His response was that he was only the third coach and had no say in what goes on. Bullshit! His kid was on that team and he should have been embarrassed. In fact, both those coaches and all the parents of the kids that were so obnoxious and rude should be embarrassed. Who cares about the win, it was the poor lesson they taught them, and they should be ashamed. I was livid. The parents were livid. The team was so sad about the way it went down. Unbelievable. A fair loss and a good game is fine and exciting. This was just ugly.
Funny thing is I have been so quiet for so long, this pushed me far enough to get involved. Coaches like that and parents like that breed future assholes. It is a shame. The umpire made a big mistake when we asked about the taunting, he said it was okay in baseball just not softball. He was wrong and let it go. All the rules clearly say that what they did was wrong. I think our team learned the bigger lesson, what NOT to do, or how to act. Either way, drama, sadness...and an end to a season. Oh, and I believe it or not, I was articulate when I yelled at that guy! Quite shocking for me with chemo brain and word retrieval problems....go me.
Other than ball games, we didn't do much. Walked Dane to Karen's for Josh's birthday party and kind of forgot to eat dinner. In fact, kind of forgot to eat lunch too. Not too hungry either and it's late. I must have enough fat on this old body to start eating itself. Ooooh, fat eating flesh...sounds Halloweeny.
Hoping for some rest. I have one week off of any form of doctor, or treatment. October 7th is the next day I have to go back to my home away from home. I am going to enjoy this week off...hoping the energy level and chemo seeps out soon...I want to get back to me!
Then we had a short break at home before Dane's game. I laid on the couch for a bit because I needed to. Although I don't really do anything but sit at Dane's game, it just takes a lot out of me to be outside all day.
Let's talk Dane's game...oh, boy. I will make a long story short, or at least bearable. We were winning. It was a great game, and Dane made a beautiful unassisted double play, really nice. It was the bottom of 7th inning and the other team started to make a comeback. Okay fine, we did that on Thursday-but here's the kicker. The other team was shaking the fence and screaming at our pitcher the entire time. They were taunting him and screaming and it was so obnoxious. All of our parents were getting really irritated. Our pitcher was clearly shaken, he mustered through and still did okay. However, they got us. They made their comeback and won. Their coaches allowed this behavior. A coach that was on first base walked by at one point and I let him have it. I have not yelled at another adult like I yelled at this guy in a long time or ever. Unless of course you count Brad. :) I told him that his team's behavior was unacceptable and how could he let them scream like that, how could he teach them that it was the right thing to do? I kept going on and on and was just letting him have it about being a responsible coach and teaching kids.... His response was that he was only the third coach and had no say in what goes on. Bullshit! His kid was on that team and he should have been embarrassed. In fact, both those coaches and all the parents of the kids that were so obnoxious and rude should be embarrassed. Who cares about the win, it was the poor lesson they taught them, and they should be ashamed. I was livid. The parents were livid. The team was so sad about the way it went down. Unbelievable. A fair loss and a good game is fine and exciting. This was just ugly.
Funny thing is I have been so quiet for so long, this pushed me far enough to get involved. Coaches like that and parents like that breed future assholes. It is a shame. The umpire made a big mistake when we asked about the taunting, he said it was okay in baseball just not softball. He was wrong and let it go. All the rules clearly say that what they did was wrong. I think our team learned the bigger lesson, what NOT to do, or how to act. Either way, drama, sadness...and an end to a season. Oh, and I believe it or not, I was articulate when I yelled at that guy! Quite shocking for me with chemo brain and word retrieval problems....go me.
Other than ball games, we didn't do much. Walked Dane to Karen's for Josh's birthday party and kind of forgot to eat dinner. In fact, kind of forgot to eat lunch too. Not too hungry either and it's late. I must have enough fat on this old body to start eating itself. Ooooh, fat eating flesh...sounds Halloweeny.
Hoping for some rest. I have one week off of any form of doctor, or treatment. October 7th is the next day I have to go back to my home away from home. I am going to enjoy this week off...hoping the energy level and chemo seeps out soon...I want to get back to me!
Friday, September 27, 2013
Information Overload
Information overload...repeat...information overload....shut down....
Had Doctor appointment and Herceptin today. Met with doc for quite a while, glad she doesn't rush me, I would be really upset if I felt like I was being pushed through. She doesn't do that, she is very nice. She also admits that she has no idea what it feels like to be in my shoes, which is humbling I think. She also used the term, you HAD cancer, like in the past tense. That is hopeful. She explained all that I am to do in the future now, radiation, Herceptin and Tamoxofin are all preventive drugs. That's all good, but then you need to listen to new side effects and possible things that these drugs can cause. My newest concerns with the Tamoxofin will be hot flashes, clots and possible uterine cancer. So I told her my concern of by the time I come out of this will I have a heart condition and a new cancer to deal with. She told me I can't worry about that. Seems pretty scary. I also asked if I could just have a hysterectomy now and prevent any form of uterine cancer in the future. Why not, I am done with it, I am not having any more kids. She thought it was a bit extreme. I don't. Seriously, I don't. This is the drug that I take for a minimum of 5 years, that uterus will be removed sooner than later, guaranteed. All useless parts that could be potentially hazardous to me can be and should be removed. New philosophy.
Brad was with me at the doctor and I was a bit overwhelmed at all the new information. I have to see her again in 6 weeks, and that is when I will start the T. Six weeks to get me ready for the drug I take for the next...forever. Brad had to go back to work and I got the H, and sat and talked to the nurses, whom I would call friends just about now. It is only a 30 min. infusion once started so it was just chatting time, it was super fast. During that time I also found out I need another Mugga scan, which Doc, forgot to tell me.... I have that on October 7th, the same day I meet with the radiologist. I will have to take a half day off of work for that, the scan is at 1:15. That is the icky one where they take my blood, mix it with goo, and give it back to me then scan my heart. Thought is nasty, doing it is even worse.
The evening was much nicer than the information overload this afternoon. Brad and I went to hang with Heidi and David. I had a lovely Weiss beer and pizza. It was a normal night, beautiful weather too. Dane stayed home and Marley went to movie night at her school. I came home with Mars, she has a game and I didn't' want to leave Dane too long. Brad is still socializing. Ready to crash, hopefully. I don't want to think of all that I heard, read and learned today. I have to focus on the good things that all is well, my blood counts are great and I am really on the up and up with everything. Doc said nobody knows what can happen, I can't plan for what may happen in 5 years. Heck, I understood what she meant, but I DO want to plan for five years in advance, assuming all is well. I think it just came out weird. I get it though. Calling it a day, long and tiring.
Had Doctor appointment and Herceptin today. Met with doc for quite a while, glad she doesn't rush me, I would be really upset if I felt like I was being pushed through. She doesn't do that, she is very nice. She also admits that she has no idea what it feels like to be in my shoes, which is humbling I think. She also used the term, you HAD cancer, like in the past tense. That is hopeful. She explained all that I am to do in the future now, radiation, Herceptin and Tamoxofin are all preventive drugs. That's all good, but then you need to listen to new side effects and possible things that these drugs can cause. My newest concerns with the Tamoxofin will be hot flashes, clots and possible uterine cancer. So I told her my concern of by the time I come out of this will I have a heart condition and a new cancer to deal with. She told me I can't worry about that. Seems pretty scary. I also asked if I could just have a hysterectomy now and prevent any form of uterine cancer in the future. Why not, I am done with it, I am not having any more kids. She thought it was a bit extreme. I don't. Seriously, I don't. This is the drug that I take for a minimum of 5 years, that uterus will be removed sooner than later, guaranteed. All useless parts that could be potentially hazardous to me can be and should be removed. New philosophy.
Brad was with me at the doctor and I was a bit overwhelmed at all the new information. I have to see her again in 6 weeks, and that is when I will start the T. Six weeks to get me ready for the drug I take for the next...forever. Brad had to go back to work and I got the H, and sat and talked to the nurses, whom I would call friends just about now. It is only a 30 min. infusion once started so it was just chatting time, it was super fast. During that time I also found out I need another Mugga scan, which Doc, forgot to tell me.... I have that on October 7th, the same day I meet with the radiologist. I will have to take a half day off of work for that, the scan is at 1:15. That is the icky one where they take my blood, mix it with goo, and give it back to me then scan my heart. Thought is nasty, doing it is even worse.
The evening was much nicer than the information overload this afternoon. Brad and I went to hang with Heidi and David. I had a lovely Weiss beer and pizza. It was a normal night, beautiful weather too. Dane stayed home and Marley went to movie night at her school. I came home with Mars, she has a game and I didn't' want to leave Dane too long. Brad is still socializing. Ready to crash, hopefully. I don't want to think of all that I heard, read and learned today. I have to focus on the good things that all is well, my blood counts are great and I am really on the up and up with everything. Doc said nobody knows what can happen, I can't plan for what may happen in 5 years. Heck, I understood what she meant, but I DO want to plan for five years in advance, assuming all is well. I think it just came out weird. I get it though. Calling it a day, long and tiring.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Crazy Night
OMG is all I have to say! I think someone slipped Marley an espresso this evening! She has driven me NUTS all night, while we were at Dane's game. She was a ball of feisty energy, I haven't seen her so jacked up in a long time...kinda jealous of that energy....
The boys made an amazing comeback from 8-1 losing, to winning the game. It's like they channeled crazy from Marley. It was an exciting last two innings. I am glad I had enough energy to see this game. It was a beautiful night. Fall is here and that makes me happy. Jeans (if they fit) sweatshirts and fleece, hats (warm cute ones, not because I have to hide my head hats). Time to get the Halloween decorations out. This weekend is close enough to October 1st- We love Halloween around here.
Tomorrow I have to go get Herceptin. I don't want to go, I graduated. It is like making me sit a detention on a weekend. No thanks. I wanted a week of no infusion, no pokes and blood draws, but no. I am also meeting with the doctor. I am sure she is going to get me going on the next drug du jour, the Tamoxofin, however you spell it. I hope there aren't any side effects to it. Probably insomnia, that would be my luck. From what I have heard, it doesn't, but I will listen to the warnings. This is the drug that I will be taking for 5 years, and they are now bumping women to taking it for 10 years, but I have also heard that it may cause uterine cancer. From one part to the next, who knows what's right. Maybe take it for five years and in that time they find a cure for all cancers and stuff, right? Right.
Since the chemo is done and I mark one week, I should start feeling more energy as the next few weeks come. As the drug wears off, I am hoping to get moving more and getting out socially (besides ball games!!!). I have been a wall flower too long. I want to go out and have some fun! My fun may be different now, but I miss laughter and general goofing around. (Don't get me wrong, I laughed as much as I could these last 7 months). A lot of laughing was at myself. I was my own bad joke.
That's all for tonight, for posts, for the day and for me... looking forward to my fuzzy jammy pants and my pillow. TGIF, for whatever reason.
The boys made an amazing comeback from 8-1 losing, to winning the game. It's like they channeled crazy from Marley. It was an exciting last two innings. I am glad I had enough energy to see this game. It was a beautiful night. Fall is here and that makes me happy. Jeans (if they fit) sweatshirts and fleece, hats (warm cute ones, not because I have to hide my head hats). Time to get the Halloween decorations out. This weekend is close enough to October 1st- We love Halloween around here.
Tomorrow I have to go get Herceptin. I don't want to go, I graduated. It is like making me sit a detention on a weekend. No thanks. I wanted a week of no infusion, no pokes and blood draws, but no. I am also meeting with the doctor. I am sure she is going to get me going on the next drug du jour, the Tamoxofin, however you spell it. I hope there aren't any side effects to it. Probably insomnia, that would be my luck. From what I have heard, it doesn't, but I will listen to the warnings. This is the drug that I will be taking for 5 years, and they are now bumping women to taking it for 10 years, but I have also heard that it may cause uterine cancer. From one part to the next, who knows what's right. Maybe take it for five years and in that time they find a cure for all cancers and stuff, right? Right.
Since the chemo is done and I mark one week, I should start feeling more energy as the next few weeks come. As the drug wears off, I am hoping to get moving more and getting out socially (besides ball games!!!). I have been a wall flower too long. I want to go out and have some fun! My fun may be different now, but I miss laughter and general goofing around. (Don't get me wrong, I laughed as much as I could these last 7 months). A lot of laughing was at myself. I was my own bad joke.
That's all for tonight, for posts, for the day and for me... looking forward to my fuzzy jammy pants and my pillow. TGIF, for whatever reason.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Day By Day...Night By Night...
I must have had a little sleep last night because I was less of a wreck today. I did not want to fall asleep driving home, nor hit the couch immediately and cry. That's good, right? I couldn't have anyway, I had a 4:30 appointment out near the Fox Valley Mall, which isn't that anymore btw, it has a new name. I finally got new prosthesis and better garments that fit my body better. It was too long of a wait for that, since I will hopefully only need them for a little over three months. But, as I know...three months can be a long time.
After driving all the way out there after work in traffic and home again I was trapped. There was the Batavia homecoming parade and all streets to my house were closed. I had to wait it out. I was across the street and wanted to be home and had to sit there. I ended up sitting in the car and my neighbor was in her car next to me. How goofy was that, we couldn't get home. Argh.
Dinner and a game of Guess Who with Marley. A little online Etsy shopping for things for Marley's Halloween costume and I bought myself something! A couple of years ago when we were in Portland, OR, we went to a huge art fair and I bought a cool, creepy ceramic head. Which I love. Yesterday I accidentally found the same artist on Etsy without searching for him, so I had to buy my sculpture head a friend head. I had to. :) What were the chances of finding the same artist without searching him out? There are a lot of artist on Etsy, it was meant to be.
Going to get kids in bed and get myself ready for tonight's attempt. Tomorrow we have a game and I hope I am not a wreck and can go. Taking it day by day, depending on night by night. What a fun way to live.... I know, temporary....blah, blah...
After driving all the way out there after work in traffic and home again I was trapped. There was the Batavia homecoming parade and all streets to my house were closed. I had to wait it out. I was across the street and wanted to be home and had to sit there. I ended up sitting in the car and my neighbor was in her car next to me. How goofy was that, we couldn't get home. Argh.
Dinner and a game of Guess Who with Marley. A little online Etsy shopping for things for Marley's Halloween costume and I bought myself something! A couple of years ago when we were in Portland, OR, we went to a huge art fair and I bought a cool, creepy ceramic head. Which I love. Yesterday I accidentally found the same artist on Etsy without searching for him, so I had to buy my sculpture head a friend head. I had to. :) What were the chances of finding the same artist without searching him out? There are a lot of artist on Etsy, it was meant to be.
Going to get kids in bed and get myself ready for tonight's attempt. Tomorrow we have a game and I hope I am not a wreck and can go. Taking it day by day, depending on night by night. What a fun way to live.... I know, temporary....blah, blah...
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Bad Chapter
I am not sure what is going, on but I can't shake the exhaustion. Since chemo on Friday I have been wiped out. I am resting and much as possible. I hit the couch both yesterday and today as soon as I got home. Yesterday was horrible. I could barely function. The boys were gone and I had to get up twice to get/take Marley places. I laid on the couch and cried. I crawled into bed at 8, laid there, wrote one sentence as a post from my phone and was just miserable. It's like the Ativan has just stopped working altogether. I am desperate for sleep. I considered taking another at 3 a.m., but was afraid it may actually work and oversleep for work. I am a tired mess.
Today I went straight to the couch on the porch. It was very comforting for me when I was doing the hard chemo. I had Dane read and talk about his Magic card game, which I find confusing and boring, it actually relaxed me. I laid there for about an hour or so before Marley came looking for me. That rest was important. I am awake enough to help with dinner, but am already in pajamas at 6:30 p.m. I am really frustrated because I want to be happy and celebrating that I am done with chemo, not fighting this fatigue. I am also getting a cold. I don't know how I couldn't, I have a class full of sneezing students, so much for trying to stay healthy at work. I am also done with baseball. They lost last night and Brad came home a crab ass and didn't even ask a word about me, but responded all crabby when I asked one question to him. Dane shook it off, because guess what folks, it's Little League....
Enjoying everything right now....not. The runny nose, the zombie like feeling, the ignoring of the cranky husband, the foggy eyes, the lack of having any energy to do or enjoy anything right now. Poor me, waaaaaaa! Shut it you big baby! I was under some false illusion that Friday was the start of all things better or good, the next chapter I thought all positively. Well, this chapter kind of sucks. I am ready to turn the page....
Today I went straight to the couch on the porch. It was very comforting for me when I was doing the hard chemo. I had Dane read and talk about his Magic card game, which I find confusing and boring, it actually relaxed me. I laid there for about an hour or so before Marley came looking for me. That rest was important. I am awake enough to help with dinner, but am already in pajamas at 6:30 p.m. I am really frustrated because I want to be happy and celebrating that I am done with chemo, not fighting this fatigue. I am also getting a cold. I don't know how I couldn't, I have a class full of sneezing students, so much for trying to stay healthy at work. I am also done with baseball. They lost last night and Brad came home a crab ass and didn't even ask a word about me, but responded all crabby when I asked one question to him. Dane shook it off, because guess what folks, it's Little League....
Enjoying everything right now....not. The runny nose, the zombie like feeling, the ignoring of the cranky husband, the foggy eyes, the lack of having any energy to do or enjoy anything right now. Poor me, waaaaaaa! Shut it you big baby! I was under some false illusion that Friday was the start of all things better or good, the next chapter I thought all positively. Well, this chapter kind of sucks. I am ready to turn the page....
Monday, September 23, 2013
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Couch Time
The day that got away... I over did it and I paid today. After chemo on Friday I went straight to a late baseball game, then Saturday was busy and last night the Ativan decided not to work and today...exhausted. Beat. I didn't get that rest after Friday that I needed and it caught up with me today. I tossed and turned all night, head was full of thoughts about random stuff and I couldn't get to sleep. Next thing I knew it was day and I was still not rested. Damn. Tried to lay in bed while Brad got coffee and breakfast going, but it was just me laying there. Showered. Not much help. Going to be a lot of nothing.
Did some couch time. Needed to lay there with eyes closed, no energy. Didn't even make it to Dane's game tonight, stayed home with Marley. It seemed like everyone in the neighborhood was out and about enjoying the day and I threw it away. I can't be too hard on myself, I am holding the most chemo of my life right now...maybe I just couldn't hack it all.
Boys aren't home from game yet. Ate leftover Mexican, uneventful. Going to get kids ready for bed early and try to stay up a little longer so I don't throw my timing off. Ativan better work or I will be a wreck tomorrow.
Did some couch time. Needed to lay there with eyes closed, no energy. Didn't even make it to Dane's game tonight, stayed home with Marley. It seemed like everyone in the neighborhood was out and about enjoying the day and I threw it away. I can't be too hard on myself, I am holding the most chemo of my life right now...maybe I just couldn't hack it all.
Boys aren't home from game yet. Ate leftover Mexican, uneventful. Going to get kids ready for bed early and try to stay up a little longer so I don't throw my timing off. Ativan better work or I will be a wreck tomorrow.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Group Hug
I was asked by a friend how I felt today, I had to think about it for a few minutes. I decided: relieved, hopeful and that it was the start to the next chapter of this mess. I have had a lot of people "congratulate" me and it is really nice to feel that support. It's weird, I made it through, I feel that relief and stress, but still have so much left to do. I believe I will be okay in the end, but I am still scared of this whole thing. I have met so many people that have come through the other side wonderfully, and I want to be that person. I want to be there for my family and friends. I want to be there for anyone else who has to deal with this.
I have been thinking that when I am done with my treatments and really are on the other side, that I could help make time fly and sit with chemo patients that are alone. I could entertain them with my stories I am sure. :) I will give back in my own way, somehow. Little things here and there. I met a lady at treatment yesterday that my nurse told about the coconut oil that I recommended. She was so happy and showed me the little fuzz she was growing. I don't know what is down the road for me, nobody does. But just being done with this puts me in a positive place. Now for the regaining of energy, hair and sleep (hopefully) and the loss of the steroid weight! Day by day, treatment by treatment....
Today was a beautiful day, and Marley had a softball game and they won! Then we went to Art in Your Eye festival in Batavia, didn't buy anything. After that we for for Mexican, where Brad raved about his icy glass and cold beer....soon. Finally, we rounded this full day with the last Harry Potter movie. Kind of sad we finished them all, it was great family time and fun to watch the whole saga.
Tomorrow is another day. I want to be positive and reflective of how far I have come. I am looking forward to things now. I feel like I can plan a few things again. I say that, but really can't because of the time binding 7 weeks of radiation that I have on the horizon. Things will have to be local and only on free days-Saturday and Sunday. All in good time.
Hugs to all for getting me through this!
I have been thinking that when I am done with my treatments and really are on the other side, that I could help make time fly and sit with chemo patients that are alone. I could entertain them with my stories I am sure. :) I will give back in my own way, somehow. Little things here and there. I met a lady at treatment yesterday that my nurse told about the coconut oil that I recommended. She was so happy and showed me the little fuzz she was growing. I don't know what is down the road for me, nobody does. But just being done with this puts me in a positive place. Now for the regaining of energy, hair and sleep (hopefully) and the loss of the steroid weight! Day by day, treatment by treatment....
Today was a beautiful day, and Marley had a softball game and they won! Then we went to Art in Your Eye festival in Batavia, didn't buy anything. After that we for for Mexican, where Brad raved about his icy glass and cold beer....soon. Finally, we rounded this full day with the last Harry Potter movie. Kind of sad we finished them all, it was great family time and fun to watch the whole saga.
Tomorrow is another day. I want to be positive and reflective of how far I have come. I am looking forward to things now. I feel like I can plan a few things again. I say that, but really can't because of the time binding 7 weeks of radiation that I have on the horizon. Things will have to be local and only on free days-Saturday and Sunday. All in good time.
Hugs to all for getting me through this!
Friday, September 20, 2013
I'm Done, I'm Done, I'm Doney Doney DONE!!!
Yeee-Haw!!! Chemo is over, repeat...OVER!!!!!! Whoo-Hoooooooo! A heavy sigh of relief. Thank you to everyone who has supported me and sent me strength-it worked, I made it through. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! (p.s. don't go far, not done yet)
I started the morning with Starbucks and a surprise of a large bunch of balloons and a goody bag of drinks and snacks! No better way to start a Friday! Then we had a luncheon at work...continuing to be a great day. Then I left to grab Marley at school and headed to chemo. I was ready and just wanted to get it over. Marley sat and colored some pictures and hung out with me, and was shy of course. She liked the snacks. :) We also made some rainbow loom bracelets.
It went without a hitch, great counts and the time flew by. I was even rewarded with a diploma for graduating through chemo! Gonna turn that into some graduate credit hours I hope.
I had two of my favorite nurses there and another came by to say hi. I gave out my chocolates and thanked them for helping me through everything. I couldn't have done it without them and their kindness. I am hoping to catch up with them for a drink in the near future. I will see them on and off until July, but I will miss their support-not the infusions.
When I was done I texted quite a few friends that I was done, I was singing "I'm Done" in the car over and over. I was just so relieved and happy. I promised Mars some custard so we stopped and got her some food. Came home, couldn't figure out food for me so I had a hand full of trail mix and headed to the game. I wanted a nice celebratory dinner and all I got was a cold, losing baseball game. Oh well, life goes on. That's the plan anyway.
Home now and chemo tired and adrenaline drain working overtime. Should eat something for dinner but don't want to make anything...I think I will just start celebrating everyday...so there is tomorrow.... YEAH ME! I DID IT!!!!! hugs to all!
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Mom & Daughter
The last of the chemo!
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I started the morning with Starbucks and a surprise of a large bunch of balloons and a goody bag of drinks and snacks! No better way to start a Friday! Then we had a luncheon at work...continuing to be a great day. Then I left to grab Marley at school and headed to chemo. I was ready and just wanted to get it over. Marley sat and colored some pictures and hung out with me, and was shy of course. She liked the snacks. :) We also made some rainbow loom bracelets.
It went without a hitch, great counts and the time flew by. I was even rewarded with a diploma for graduating through chemo! Gonna turn that into some graduate credit hours I hope.
I had two of my favorite nurses there and another came by to say hi. I gave out my chocolates and thanked them for helping me through everything. I couldn't have done it without them and their kindness. I am hoping to catch up with them for a drink in the near future. I will see them on and off until July, but I will miss their support-not the infusions.
When I was done I texted quite a few friends that I was done, I was singing "I'm Done" in the car over and over. I was just so relieved and happy. I promised Mars some custard so we stopped and got her some food. Came home, couldn't figure out food for me so I had a hand full of trail mix and headed to the game. I wanted a nice celebratory dinner and all I got was a cold, losing baseball game. Oh well, life goes on. That's the plan anyway.
Home now and chemo tired and adrenaline drain working overtime. Should eat something for dinner but don't want to make anything...I think I will just start celebrating everyday...so there is tomorrow.... YEAH ME! I DID IT!!!!! hugs to all!
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The last of the chemo!
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Thursday, September 19, 2013
Eve of 12
Here I sit on the eve of my last chemo, kind of hard to believe. After tomorrow, I should (hopefully) never, ever, need chemotherapy again. Never. Please let that be true. I am home with Marley, she had practice and the boys are still at a game and it is 8:45 p.m. I decided not to go because I was extra beat after work today. We went on a field trip outside for the afternoon, and it was hot and ridiculously humid. We had to walk to the furthest area and I was just beat by the time we were done. I had considered not going, but then I told myself I could do it. I did. But I couldn't do a game after her practice too, something had to give.
While on the trip I talked to a parent who is a bc survivor of four years. Her and I had a good talk and she kind of has the same attitude as I do. Get it over with, and move on. She looked great and said everything is good. A positive conversation. Another parent asked me a weird question, she asked, "How did you feel when you found out you had cancer?" That is a strange question. Nobody has asked me that before. I told her I felt "devastated" but not shocked. She asked because she is preparing herself for the worst, family history of cancer. I am not sure you can prepare yourself. I guess you can just be less shocked if it happens, but when it does, it is completely surreal and you just start floating through a darkness and lose control. I didn't tell her that, she may have thought I was a little too wacky.
I went and bought my favorite nurses some yummy chocolates, I hope the three I like best are there. They have really treated me like a friend. They understood that I am someone who just wants in and out and done. They are kind and understand, yeah, I know, that is their job. Then they are good at it.
My post last chemo celebration is a baseball game. Argh!!!! I was thinking a nice dinner would be in order, nope. Dane and Brad have a game so Marley and I will meet them at the field when were done. I probably will take her for ice cream or something for being a trooper and sitting with me for 2 hours of nothing. I am glad she is going, I think it is important for her to see what I have/am doing. I asked if she was going to be okay with it and she said she "had no idea" if she will be or not. Good answer I guess.
Signing off...next blog I will not be a chemo patient anymore. Yahoooooooooooooo!
While on the trip I talked to a parent who is a bc survivor of four years. Her and I had a good talk and she kind of has the same attitude as I do. Get it over with, and move on. She looked great and said everything is good. A positive conversation. Another parent asked me a weird question, she asked, "How did you feel when you found out you had cancer?" That is a strange question. Nobody has asked me that before. I told her I felt "devastated" but not shocked. She asked because she is preparing herself for the worst, family history of cancer. I am not sure you can prepare yourself. I guess you can just be less shocked if it happens, but when it does, it is completely surreal and you just start floating through a darkness and lose control. I didn't tell her that, she may have thought I was a little too wacky.
I went and bought my favorite nurses some yummy chocolates, I hope the three I like best are there. They have really treated me like a friend. They understood that I am someone who just wants in and out and done. They are kind and understand, yeah, I know, that is their job. Then they are good at it.
My post last chemo celebration is a baseball game. Argh!!!! I was thinking a nice dinner would be in order, nope. Dane and Brad have a game so Marley and I will meet them at the field when were done. I probably will take her for ice cream or something for being a trooper and sitting with me for 2 hours of nothing. I am glad she is going, I think it is important for her to see what I have/am doing. I asked if she was going to be okay with it and she said she "had no idea" if she will be or not. Good answer I guess.
Signing off...next blog I will not be a chemo patient anymore. Yahoooooooooooooo!
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
HumpDay
After a full day of work, before and after school meetings, I was ready to go home. I was slightly happy it was raining, because then baseball would get cancelled and I could stay home. My wish came true. Although now we have to make up the game so what was I thinking?! I was in sweat pants and a cozy sweater about 10 minutes after I got home. I never change into "home" clothes that early, I always have some errand to run. But tonight I told myself I wasn't going anywhere if I didn't have to. So I didn't. Yeah. I need to go get the nurses a gift, that will be on the way home tomorrow...no other option. Instead of grocery shopping, ball games or laundry, I chose to take an hour to myself and work on an art project. It felt good. I also made dinner and worked on math with Marley. I am so glad that I didn't run around. I needed a grounded night. It isn't like my family wanted to spend any quality time with me or anything, Dane is off doing homework, reading or playing a computer game, Marley was crafting but a friend and bike took that away, now she is taking a 10 hour shower and bed, and Brad is watching or playing something on his ipad. I am alone. Kind of don't care right now, and didn't when I was working on my project either. It is just funny how the whole house can go off in their own direction. When I was home alone, I was lonely. Now that I am surrounded by people all day, I need a little quiet time. I have never needed that before. Hmm.
Tomorrow is an afternoon field trip outside to Otter Creek. I am sure that is going to make me super tired. I thought about not going, but trading classes didn't seem like a good deal. I love being outside. I will just be smart and not run back and forth all day. Of course we have a game and practice tomorrow night if the weather is good also. Then it is Friday!!! I can't believe it is almost here...it is so routine for me now...but is NOT the new normal. That normal is going to end. I have better things to do on Friday afternoons! (although every Friday until next July I still have to go for a short infusion) I repeat myself a lot on here, but this is for my kids, and grand kids...they will get the idea of what my life was like during this mess and hopefully I will be around to see them all. What will I blog when chemo is over? Hopefully how great I am feeling and how awesome everything is going! And then, the radiation, surgeries and what not...oh, this is going to be a forever blog....omg.
Tomorrow is an afternoon field trip outside to Otter Creek. I am sure that is going to make me super tired. I thought about not going, but trading classes didn't seem like a good deal. I love being outside. I will just be smart and not run back and forth all day. Of course we have a game and practice tomorrow night if the weather is good also. Then it is Friday!!! I can't believe it is almost here...it is so routine for me now...but is NOT the new normal. That normal is going to end. I have better things to do on Friday afternoons! (although every Friday until next July I still have to go for a short infusion) I repeat myself a lot on here, but this is for my kids, and grand kids...they will get the idea of what my life was like during this mess and hopefully I will be around to see them all. What will I blog when chemo is over? Hopefully how great I am feeling and how awesome everything is going! And then, the radiation, surgeries and what not...oh, this is going to be a forever blog....omg.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Tuesday
Seems like everyone is falling into routine of busy back to school life. Today was go home from work, run to Target because we have "nothing" for lunches. Then to Dane's game, which lasted 3 innings because Geneva won't pay for lights at the baseball field. Give me a break. What is the point of playing at that field in the fall at 5:45 p.m. without lights. Dinner, homework and bed. It makes me want to take a step back and think about how can things be different? How can we slow down? Or is the running around worth it? What can give? What needs more attention? By the time I am done with this, the night is over and I need to start the sleep anxiety routine. Then get up and repeat. Was what I did today worth my time? Did I need as many groceries as I bought at Target, or should I have limited my run and spent my time on something else? Going to Dane's game is important because we support both son and Dad. Not many hours left then. Where do the days go? Random thoughts of a busy mom.
One of the biggest frustrations right now, (even though I should be flying high that tomorrow is Wednesday), is clothing. Nothing fits right on top and my pants are tight so I am limited. I really don't want to buy new clothing if the steroid weight is supposed to melt off in a few weeks. Meantime I am just not happy with my options. I know work isn't a fashion show, but you need to feel good about your appearance. I am thrilled having hair, but nothing to style. That leaves how you dress, and I am not happy in that department. Oh well, not going to complain about anything-just too negative. Working on keeping everything positive and less stressful.
Just a couple days left, 3. Marley is still working on the donut thing, silly girl. I think I am going to get the nurses chocolate. Everyone likes chocolate. That way if they are not there on Friday, they can get their little treat on Monday. Can't come up with any better idea.
One of the biggest frustrations right now, (even though I should be flying high that tomorrow is Wednesday), is clothing. Nothing fits right on top and my pants are tight so I am limited. I really don't want to buy new clothing if the steroid weight is supposed to melt off in a few weeks. Meantime I am just not happy with my options. I know work isn't a fashion show, but you need to feel good about your appearance. I am thrilled having hair, but nothing to style. That leaves how you dress, and I am not happy in that department. Oh well, not going to complain about anything-just too negative. Working on keeping everything positive and less stressful.
Just a couple days left, 3. Marley is still working on the donut thing, silly girl. I think I am going to get the nurses chocolate. Everyone likes chocolate. That way if they are not there on Friday, they can get their little treat on Monday. Can't come up with any better idea.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Monday
Today seemed like a long day. It started with running out of coffee, and that is a major bummer for Brad and I. However, a drive thru-Starbucks saved the day. I really only like treating myself to Starbucks on Fridays, but looks like it may be a few more days because we just got home from softball (cold and they lost) and we didn't get coffee for tomorrow.
I was hoping that I was going to have that excited, jacked up feeling I had Friday and Saturday. But I don't. Maybe it's masked by tiredness. Marley made (yeah, I know) me go to bed early last night because she wanted to sleep with me. I was beat so I said sure. I took the Ativan and it didn't kick in, at midnight, I went to find Brad because he promised to be in bed by 11. He said he was going to stay on the couch so I could try to sleep. I took a muscle relaxer to help the Ativan. Well, that didn't work either. Lots of tossing and turning.
I cannot go to bed with her before 9 p.m., it throws a routine of time for my body. I need to go up and to bed at 10 and hope the stuff kicks in by 11. That is the only way I get my 3 hours. I kind of regret cancelling the psych appointment for today, maybe he could have given me a better drug. They don't do any counseling, only dish out meds. What has this world come to? What if I had wanted counseling? I would have to see another doctor for that and then the psych for sleep medication. It seems all messed up to me. I do have it rescheduled for October something, after school. Maybe by then I won't need it. By then the steroid that I take that is making me fat and tired will be worked out of my system. Let's hope.
Countdown is on. 4 days to go! Marley and I will wrap this chemo stuff up together. I picture us cozy in the chair watching some silly show she wants to see because we don't have cable. We never even use the tv at treatment, but she may want to. I am hoping we can play Uno or color. I don't care, just as long as I have my best girl with me. The goof is requesting a donut. Seriously? A donut at 2:30 in the afternoon? I don't have time to get her a donut! It is work-pick her up at school (waiting at the curb) and then to treatment. No time to make the donuts.... And I am the highness, not her... :) She makes me smile and laugh and I am glad she will end this with me. She is glad too, she gets out of math class!
I was hoping that I was going to have that excited, jacked up feeling I had Friday and Saturday. But I don't. Maybe it's masked by tiredness. Marley made (yeah, I know) me go to bed early last night because she wanted to sleep with me. I was beat so I said sure. I took the Ativan and it didn't kick in, at midnight, I went to find Brad because he promised to be in bed by 11. He said he was going to stay on the couch so I could try to sleep. I took a muscle relaxer to help the Ativan. Well, that didn't work either. Lots of tossing and turning.
I cannot go to bed with her before 9 p.m., it throws a routine of time for my body. I need to go up and to bed at 10 and hope the stuff kicks in by 11. That is the only way I get my 3 hours. I kind of regret cancelling the psych appointment for today, maybe he could have given me a better drug. They don't do any counseling, only dish out meds. What has this world come to? What if I had wanted counseling? I would have to see another doctor for that and then the psych for sleep medication. It seems all messed up to me. I do have it rescheduled for October something, after school. Maybe by then I won't need it. By then the steroid that I take that is making me fat and tired will be worked out of my system. Let's hope.
Countdown is on. 4 days to go! Marley and I will wrap this chemo stuff up together. I picture us cozy in the chair watching some silly show she wants to see because we don't have cable. We never even use the tv at treatment, but she may want to. I am hoping we can play Uno or color. I don't care, just as long as I have my best girl with me. The goof is requesting a donut. Seriously? A donut at 2:30 in the afternoon? I don't have time to get her a donut! It is work-pick her up at school (waiting at the curb) and then to treatment. No time to make the donuts.... And I am the highness, not her... :) She makes me smile and laugh and I am glad she will end this with me. She is glad too, she gets out of math class!
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Only Good Things...
There is nothing like a good rainy day to slow you down. Everyone slept in. Brad says he heard snoring, which is a great sign, but my body and brain are not registering that I slept much. I made yummy Swedish pancakes for breakfast and then Dane and I went out for a bit. This afternoon Marley was at a party and everything was on slow mode. We had dinner, and watched the second to the last Harry Potter movie. We started early so everyone could get ready for bed and school at a decent hour.
I was not jacked up today. I was in a good mood, but less talkative and slower. I was telling Dane how I cannot believe it is almost over. I remember the doctor laying it all out on paper what I had in store. I was overwhelmed. 24 weeks of chemo. Never registered then, and now I have only one to go! What have you done in the last 23 weeks? JK, probably a lot more fun things than I have. I will have my time soon.
I want to bring something for the nurses who I really like. I need suggestions, wine, chocolate? I can't bring anything for them to eat and share because I am the last person there. They get me in the latest and on Friday. I was done last week at exactly 5:00 p.m. They even called me on Thursday asking if I could move my appointment up earlier and I said no, I need that time. I know I will see them every three weeks, but they have really made this as easy as possible and I have had a chance to get to know them and they are really great ladies. I don't want to go empty handed. Ideas?
I have the Halloween bug creeping in and then it is Christmas and I love both of these holidays. I feel good that all is going well and I want to bounce right back to normal and do radiation like a trooper and move forward. I know this ordeal will take a minimum of a year to get me looking back to normal, and blocker drugs will be a long, long time. But I am optimistic. I am thinking of all the reinventing I want to do...I just don't know what it is yet. Only good things for me from now on. That is what I say. Only good things.
I was not jacked up today. I was in a good mood, but less talkative and slower. I was telling Dane how I cannot believe it is almost over. I remember the doctor laying it all out on paper what I had in store. I was overwhelmed. 24 weeks of chemo. Never registered then, and now I have only one to go! What have you done in the last 23 weeks? JK, probably a lot more fun things than I have. I will have my time soon.
I want to bring something for the nurses who I really like. I need suggestions, wine, chocolate? I can't bring anything for them to eat and share because I am the last person there. They get me in the latest and on Friday. I was done last week at exactly 5:00 p.m. They even called me on Thursday asking if I could move my appointment up earlier and I said no, I need that time. I know I will see them every three weeks, but they have really made this as easy as possible and I have had a chance to get to know them and they are really great ladies. I don't want to go empty handed. Ideas?
I have the Halloween bug creeping in and then it is Christmas and I love both of these holidays. I feel good that all is going well and I want to bounce right back to normal and do radiation like a trooper and move forward. I know this ordeal will take a minimum of a year to get me looking back to normal, and blocker drugs will be a long, long time. But I am optimistic. I am thinking of all the reinventing I want to do...I just don't know what it is yet. Only good things for me from now on. That is what I say. Only good things.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Jacked
It is so late. I cannot remember the last time I stayed up this late and wasn't lying in bed cursing/crying. Today was a long day, and somehow I hammered through. Maybe it was the Venti Starbucks, maybe it was a Saturday, maybe the nice weather or maybe I am kind jacked because I have less than one week to my last chemo treatment. Whatever it was Brad told me I was talking a mile a minute and had lots of giggle fits at dinner tonight. Better than being down and tired. Happy and tired is more fun.
We started day with Marley's game. She won. Then I dropped her off at a friends and headed to Dane's game, didn't win. Then came home and invented macaroni pie. Kristin was making chicken pot pie and apple pie for dinner and if I was bringing something it had to be in pie form. So I made homemade macaroni and cheese, put it in a pie shell and crushed potato chips on top and baked. It went over well with the kids! I think adding bacon or ham would be an awesome, homey winter meal. Maybe in a while, we had a lot of pie crust tonight! Mmm good.
It was fun getting out tonight, we really haven't done much socializing in the past 7 months, and that has been hard. Now that I have hair, it truly is bringing back some of me. I am not hiding anymore and feel so much relief from that "chemo look" status. I am going to go crash now and will be interested in how I feel tomorrow. Will my increased excitement for next Friday carry all the way through the week? What will happen after? Should be interesting. I am at the final countdown.....
We started day with Marley's game. She won. Then I dropped her off at a friends and headed to Dane's game, didn't win. Then came home and invented macaroni pie. Kristin was making chicken pot pie and apple pie for dinner and if I was bringing something it had to be in pie form. So I made homemade macaroni and cheese, put it in a pie shell and crushed potato chips on top and baked. It went over well with the kids! I think adding bacon or ham would be an awesome, homey winter meal. Maybe in a while, we had a lot of pie crust tonight! Mmm good.
It was fun getting out tonight, we really haven't done much socializing in the past 7 months, and that has been hard. Now that I have hair, it truly is bringing back some of me. I am not hiding anymore and feel so much relief from that "chemo look" status. I am going to go crash now and will be interested in how I feel tomorrow. Will my increased excitement for next Friday carry all the way through the week? What will happen after? Should be interesting. I am at the final countdown.....
Friday, September 13, 2013
11 Down and 1 Left!
I can't explain how happy I am to almost be done with chemo. I know I have a lot more treatment to do, but getting over this hurdle is huge for me. I feel that when it is done I can start really getting back to the old me. I will be regaining my energy and able to do more in terms of exercise and well, just anything. I won't be on the steroid that causes the weight gain, so losing that should be easy. Not like I won't want to shed a few pounds more too. Time to reinvent Donnanne...kind of a blank slate with hair, body, etc....Hmm. I should start doings some research on the "new me".
Chemo was fun, for chemo. I had to go the bathroom so bad when I got there and I was waiting for it and someone was in there a long time. I was all worried it was going to be an old lady who dropped a bomb and I was going to have to smell it, EW! Instead the door flies open and there is my friend Dana and she just yells, "Surprise!" I'm like, "Huh? Where's the old lady? Why are you hiding in the bathroom?" I was totally confused. After I got in and out of there she was waiting for me with flowers and cupcakes. She just came to hang out! So we plugged me in and then got a suite to start the infusion. Then Kristin came...then Debby came...it was a party! We were going to find a disco ball and do some dancing, but I had limited mobility being stuck to the machine and all. Instead we talked and laughed and laughed. It was fun. When the nurse asked us if we needed anything we told her some cold beer would be nice. Then we asked if we could bring in a cooler next week. :) She just laughed at, and with us. Time flew. I had three infusions and I didn't even know Denise (nurse) had started them. Dana stayed most of the time and the other two stayed until the end. We just had fits of laughter over gross stuff. like fecal transplants, yeah, look them up. Yuck! I guess it is true, I can have fun just about anywhere. Never thought it would be at chemo. We were loud. Put me in a room with one friend and I can be a bit loud, three? Now were talking. OH! this is funny, I was yapping with Dana, nonstop when we first got in. Denise was taking my vitals and as soon as I stopped for a breath, she shoved the thermometer in my mouth. That was a successful way to shut me up for a minute! It was pretty funny. Funnier if you saw it. I have the same deal next Friday, same bat time, same bat channel. I am taking Marley as my buddy. I also want to bring some treats for the nurses. I will still be going every three weeks, but the Herceptin isn't as big of a deal. Half hour infusions. I have come so far.
Came home. brushed teeth and got a warmer coat. Grabbed Dane and Panera and went to Marley's game. They won! Maybe she started the winning streak, that would be nice. Home now and getting ready for bed. Two games tomorrow.
Good Laugh below....at my expense of course. Oh, well, that is what I am good for!
Okay, here is one of the stupid pictures I sent Kristin last night. Today she said she ran across this picture of a Russian lady in a Babuska...I think we were separated at birth.
So pretty...like a beautiful Russian flower....
Chemo was fun, for chemo. I had to go the bathroom so bad when I got there and I was waiting for it and someone was in there a long time. I was all worried it was going to be an old lady who dropped a bomb and I was going to have to smell it, EW! Instead the door flies open and there is my friend Dana and she just yells, "Surprise!" I'm like, "Huh? Where's the old lady? Why are you hiding in the bathroom?" I was totally confused. After I got in and out of there she was waiting for me with flowers and cupcakes. She just came to hang out! So we plugged me in and then got a suite to start the infusion. Then Kristin came...then Debby came...it was a party! We were going to find a disco ball and do some dancing, but I had limited mobility being stuck to the machine and all. Instead we talked and laughed and laughed. It was fun. When the nurse asked us if we needed anything we told her some cold beer would be nice. Then we asked if we could bring in a cooler next week. :) She just laughed at, and with us. Time flew. I had three infusions and I didn't even know Denise (nurse) had started them. Dana stayed most of the time and the other two stayed until the end. We just had fits of laughter over gross stuff. like fecal transplants, yeah, look them up. Yuck! I guess it is true, I can have fun just about anywhere. Never thought it would be at chemo. We were loud. Put me in a room with one friend and I can be a bit loud, three? Now were talking. OH! this is funny, I was yapping with Dana, nonstop when we first got in. Denise was taking my vitals and as soon as I stopped for a breath, she shoved the thermometer in my mouth. That was a successful way to shut me up for a minute! It was pretty funny. Funnier if you saw it. I have the same deal next Friday, same bat time, same bat channel. I am taking Marley as my buddy. I also want to bring some treats for the nurses. I will still be going every three weeks, but the Herceptin isn't as big of a deal. Half hour infusions. I have come so far.
Came home. brushed teeth and got a warmer coat. Grabbed Dane and Panera and went to Marley's game. They won! Maybe she started the winning streak, that would be nice. Home now and getting ready for bed. Two games tomorrow.
Good Laugh below....at my expense of course. Oh, well, that is what I am good for!
Okay, here is one of the stupid pictures I sent Kristin last night. Today she said she ran across this picture of a Russian lady in a Babuska...I think we were separated at birth.
So pretty...like a beautiful Russian flower....
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Thursday, September 12, 2013
Eve of 11
The eve of number 11! I am so thrilled to go to chemo tomorrow because it will leave me with 1 to go! That will conclude 6 long, long months of poisoning! Yeah! It will be over! Maybe that is why I am being silly. I just sent 5 of the stupidest photos with a scarf in various ways to Kristin, none flattering. Why? Not sure. Maybe I am finally losing it...could be.
Speaking of losing it-The psych appointment I knew was on Monday but no clue the time and the automated caller thingy called and said it was at 1:15 in the afternoon. Who made that? I don't want to take off work. I don't know what to do, I need to go to have them figure out my sleep issue. I am going to call and see what they can do. I made this appointment like 6 weeks ago, if it is that long of a wait from now I may have to go. I will figure it out tomorrow.
Right after chemo I go to Marley's game, kick off to our 11 day streak. At least we missed the heat for all the games, it will be cool and I can wear a cozy sweatshirt. I am excited about that. Not sure if I have any jeans to fit my fat ass, but I will look. I love fall weather.
I slept a bit last night... Ativan and the Flexirol....I justified the muscle relaxer because of the fall, and I didn't want to wake up with a wracked body. Just a few marks, but I didn't get hurt. Didn't crush any school furniture today, thank goodness.
Oh, and if you want, you can read about Camp Kesem and Dane's "review" on the Licorice Project website-in their blog. www.thelicoriceproject.com
Speaking of losing it-The psych appointment I knew was on Monday but no clue the time and the automated caller thingy called and said it was at 1:15 in the afternoon. Who made that? I don't want to take off work. I don't know what to do, I need to go to have them figure out my sleep issue. I am going to call and see what they can do. I made this appointment like 6 weeks ago, if it is that long of a wait from now I may have to go. I will figure it out tomorrow.
Right after chemo I go to Marley's game, kick off to our 11 day streak. At least we missed the heat for all the games, it will be cool and I can wear a cozy sweatshirt. I am excited about that. Not sure if I have any jeans to fit my fat ass, but I will look. I love fall weather.
I slept a bit last night... Ativan and the Flexirol....I justified the muscle relaxer because of the fall, and I didn't want to wake up with a wracked body. Just a few marks, but I didn't get hurt. Didn't crush any school furniture today, thank goodness.
Oh, and if you want, you can read about Camp Kesem and Dane's "review" on the Licorice Project website-in their blog. www.thelicoriceproject.com
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Going Down
I caved. I took an Ativan last night out of pure desperation. I got some sleep, don't know how long, but I know I didn't get up to pee in the middle of the night so that means something to me. I will cave again tonight and each night after until the chemo is over. There is no point trying at this point. I need to be smart, get enough rest to feel half human and wait it out. No time to be a hero or show how tough I am. Not feeling so tough these days, a wind could knock me over.
Speaking of knocking over, here's a story that you need to use your visualizing skills as you read.
I gather my students to the rug at the back of my room to do this little pond life skit. I was the narrator and they were all around the rug, as it was the pond. We were about to begin...I go to lean/sit on the small work table I have in the back of the room...as I do it starts to collapse taking me with it! One of the legs wasn't tightened and collapsed into itself. As the table and I were falling -it became a slide for me. So here I am falling, sliding backwards in front of the whole class. All I can think of was, Oh shit, my skirt is flying...don't want to scar the kids for life...so I grabbed for my skirt to keep it down while falling. Success. We, the table and I land with a crash. I land on my butt, legs straight out, closed, very proper, with the table right at my back. The kids are all staring and asking if I am okay. I throw my arms up like I just pulled off the best gymnastics routine in my life and chuckled out of shock. Then I gave them our cheesy thumbs up look. OMG! I just totally fell in front of my class! What a major dork! I was lucky I didn't get hurt. One of the boys asked me if I had eaten too much at lunch...nice. I told him if I crushed any other furniture I would go on a diet. We all kind of laughed. My last comment to them was, "Well, I guess I know what tonight's dinner conversation will be..." Still, OMG! How embarrassing! Glad it was just kids...Phew... Okay, laugh now. I couldn't have staged that crash if I wanted to, no way. Seriously.
Looking forward to more rest tonight. We have a busy week coming up. Starting Friday night after chemo, we start an 11 night streak of baseball and softball. Help! Thank goodness all I have to do is sit and watch. Still.
Speaking of knocking over, here's a story that you need to use your visualizing skills as you read.
I gather my students to the rug at the back of my room to do this little pond life skit. I was the narrator and they were all around the rug, as it was the pond. We were about to begin...I go to lean/sit on the small work table I have in the back of the room...as I do it starts to collapse taking me with it! One of the legs wasn't tightened and collapsed into itself. As the table and I were falling -it became a slide for me. So here I am falling, sliding backwards in front of the whole class. All I can think of was, Oh shit, my skirt is flying...don't want to scar the kids for life...so I grabbed for my skirt to keep it down while falling. Success. We, the table and I land with a crash. I land on my butt, legs straight out, closed, very proper, with the table right at my back. The kids are all staring and asking if I am okay. I throw my arms up like I just pulled off the best gymnastics routine in my life and chuckled out of shock. Then I gave them our cheesy thumbs up look. OMG! I just totally fell in front of my class! What a major dork! I was lucky I didn't get hurt. One of the boys asked me if I had eaten too much at lunch...nice. I told him if I crushed any other furniture I would go on a diet. We all kind of laughed. My last comment to them was, "Well, I guess I know what tonight's dinner conversation will be..." Still, OMG! How embarrassing! Glad it was just kids...Phew... Okay, laugh now. I couldn't have staged that crash if I wanted to, no way. Seriously.
Looking forward to more rest tonight. We have a busy week coming up. Starting Friday night after chemo, we start an 11 night streak of baseball and softball. Help! Thank goodness all I have to do is sit and watch. Still.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
So Frustrated
Still dragging. May have to resort back to the pharmaceuticals. Don't want to, really don't want to at all. Problem is that I feel like the quality of my life right now is pretty lame. I go to work (which I enjoy), come home and have nothing left in me. I plop on the couch and try to get rejuvenated, but it really doesn't work. I barely do what I need to do (dinner, laundry, grocery) and nothing of what I want to do (walk, read, create). I know I shouldn't bitch and moan about it, but I am sick of being tired. I feel good in so many other ways, but can't even enjoy that. I feel very stiff across chest and under arms, it is because I am not doing enough stretching or exercise. I can't muster the energy for any of that if I can't keep my heavy eyelids open!! Very frustrated. Thank goodness I grew hair on this chemo and wasn't nauseated, because it is kicking my ass in a much bigger way!!! Gotta go make some decisions for tonight's attempt.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Zombie
I don't have much to report, except the fatigue and tiredness is worse than yesterday. I made it through work, to meet Marley's teacher, take her to gymnastics and thru 7th grade curriculum night. But I won't make it much longer. My eyes are heavy and I am hoping that out of sheer exhaustion this mind and body will shut down for some sleep. I am going to go to bed immediately because I am no longer a functioning mom or human...a total zombie. Instead of crying, I will be lying...down....
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Tired to Tears
Not a lot to report. So damn tired it brought me to tears today. Worked slowly around house. I can't take this insomnia much longer-the intensified version of an already existing issue is horrid. It MUST go away when I am done in two weeks. I am still going to keep the psych appointment next week to see if there is anything they can do to help me with this problem. But I don't want any more drugs-they just don't work. I went to the doctor last October for help, this is too long to be tired.
It doesn't matter what time I go to bed, I lay there awake for hours. Last night I went to bed around 9:30 and the last time I checked the clock was 1:00 a.m. Then 4:00 a.m. So I got about 3 hours. I am thinking I shouldn't lay there anymore and just get up and read or do something. It is useless and ridiculously frustrating trying to make yourself sleep. It is counter productive thinking about trying to sleep. Man is my body messed up.
September looks to be like the busiest month on the books. Both kids are playing their entire season out this month. Next week we have 6 days in a row with games. I know I can't do it all. But some overlap and we will have to divide and conquer. It's going to be tough to do some juggling. Tomorrow I am meeting Marley's teacher after school because I had to miss her curriculum night, then she has gymnastics and then the 7th grade curriculum night. Argh.
12 days and the chemo is over.... Thank goodness for that. Looking for some relief of side effects, six month of this is enough.
It doesn't matter what time I go to bed, I lay there awake for hours. Last night I went to bed around 9:30 and the last time I checked the clock was 1:00 a.m. Then 4:00 a.m. So I got about 3 hours. I am thinking I shouldn't lay there anymore and just get up and read or do something. It is useless and ridiculously frustrating trying to make yourself sleep. It is counter productive thinking about trying to sleep. Man is my body messed up.
September looks to be like the busiest month on the books. Both kids are playing their entire season out this month. Next week we have 6 days in a row with games. I know I can't do it all. But some overlap and we will have to divide and conquer. It's going to be tough to do some juggling. Tomorrow I am meeting Marley's teacher after school because I had to miss her curriculum night, then she has gymnastics and then the 7th grade curriculum night. Argh.
12 days and the chemo is over.... Thank goodness for that. Looking for some relief of side effects, six month of this is enough.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Drowsy D
I tried to go cold turkey on the sleepy drugs last night, not a good idea. So drowsy all day. :( I went to Marley's game and Brad and Dane had a game so we were all outside and tired. Came home and tried the 20 minutes of couch, but it barely did any good. Debby, my kids and I went to Geneva to see our friend Jason and his band play. When we walked in an guy handed me 5 bucks in food tickets, so I bought the kids snow cones and they were happy. We just went for the concert and back, I could barely hang out. Dinner was in the crockpot so we were smart about that. I want to go to bed, but it would be me laying there for the next 12 hours being sad I couldn't fall asleep. Ready to try the frying pan to the head trick. Plus yesterday's chemo is a fatigue master...and since I am done with 10, I am just about at the maximum cumulative tiredness... the next two weeks will be the worst for fatigue. Oh yeah!
Oh, the Geneva festival was my first large public outing with the new hair. I tried to take a picture of myself, but they weren't looking good. Self conscious of course, but not the right something for a pic... I was texting my friend who is on her 6th Taxol, and she is also just loving the pound a week weight gain. It truly is a side effect. So here is what I am expecting...done with Taxol and my hair starts coming in rapidly like a Chia Pet and the pounds melt off, and my energy level is huge and I sleep like a baby, am I expecting too much????? Nah, dream often and dream big!
Thank you Karen for the being the first to donate to Debby!!!! You Rock! But you did before anyway!!
G'night...
Sleepy & Dopey...
Oh, the Geneva festival was my first large public outing with the new hair. I tried to take a picture of myself, but they weren't looking good. Self conscious of course, but not the right something for a pic... I was texting my friend who is on her 6th Taxol, and she is also just loving the pound a week weight gain. It truly is a side effect. So here is what I am expecting...done with Taxol and my hair starts coming in rapidly like a Chia Pet and the pounds melt off, and my energy level is huge and I sleep like a baby, am I expecting too much????? Nah, dream often and dream big!
Thank you Karen for the being the first to donate to Debby!!!! You Rock! But you did before anyway!!
G'night...
Sleepy & Dopey...
Friday, September 6, 2013
10!!
I did it, it's over, I did it, it's over....number 10! Whoo-hoo!!! I am so thrilled to be down to 2! Yahoo!
I took a 1/4 day with a sub because I had a long appointment with doctor visit and Herceptin. Doc was running behind so Brad and I went over to talk to the ladies at radiation. I was schmoozing the receptionist that I will bring her bribes of chocolate or whatever she wants if she can help me get the latest appointment. She loved the idea of chocolate and then told me she was only filling in for two days. Damn. She went to get a radiology nurse and she told me about when to make an appointment with the doc, that there will then be a "set up" appointment where they get everything lined up, then I will start. She told me that they will work with me to get me as late as possible in the day and on some days or weeks, they go into early evening. I told her I was stressing out about working and making treatments. She told me that she is treating several teachers right now and they are helping accommodate people who are working. She told me not to worry. It was a huge relief. Maybe it will work out perfectly and I can just go after work, come home and move on. It will be a pain due to it being 35 times. I don't even want to start the countdown on that, it will suck for a long, long time....I will think about that in a few weeks. I can ease my mind a bit.
Doc was quite impressed with my hair, nurses too. She also thought I was crazy when I asked if I should assume all this chemo worked. She was like, "yeah, duh". but didn't say the duh part. She told me that after chemo I will be on surveillance and see her every three weeks, then graduate to six weeks, then to three months, to six months to yearly. Okay. Sounds good. She was happy that I wasn't reporting any new side effects. Just my two favorites: insomnia and weight gain. Yippie! I gained steadily again. Glad I have only two more. Oh well, could be worse. This time I wasn't a total wreck and cry. I was kind of like, whatever. I knew it was coming. It has been steady and is a side effect of this drug. Couldn't they make a drug with side effects of growing lush hair, weight loss to your best bmi and maybe something else, like you now get a talent. You know, you all of a sudden can sing, draw or play an instrument. That would be cool. I'd like to play the banjo. I should try, maybe I can.
Brad tagged out Kristin who was my buddy today and made me make rainbow loom bracelets for Debby's fundraiser. If any of you want to help her out, even with 5 bucks, she pledged 1500 for breast cancer while running the Chicago Marathon in October. Here is how: You google marathonforthecure and it takes you to the Susan B. Komen site. Then you click on the Chicago Marathon. Then you go to Donate to a Participant. Then you put in Debby Nelson. That is it. Donate one coffee's worth! I think she has 700 dollars to go. If each of average amount of daily readers donate one dollar to her, that would be about 100 bucks. That would help! Go Debby!
Anyway, chemo went fast, and the nurses are very enjoyable to talk to. I then ran home, grabbed a few things, had to go to Jewel, of course I had to bring a snack, then went to softball game, and late dinner and now home. Ready to drop. Softball for Mars at noon, Dane at noon two. Divide and conquer. Then rest. That is the plan. Long week. It was all good. I am very optimistic about a lot of things. It is good to feel good. Good night.
Here is the link: I tried and it worked. Let me know if it doesn't. Thank you all!
http://www.info-komen.org/site/PageServer?pagename=HQ_MFTC_Home
I took a 1/4 day with a sub because I had a long appointment with doctor visit and Herceptin. Doc was running behind so Brad and I went over to talk to the ladies at radiation. I was schmoozing the receptionist that I will bring her bribes of chocolate or whatever she wants if she can help me get the latest appointment. She loved the idea of chocolate and then told me she was only filling in for two days. Damn. She went to get a radiology nurse and she told me about when to make an appointment with the doc, that there will then be a "set up" appointment where they get everything lined up, then I will start. She told me that they will work with me to get me as late as possible in the day and on some days or weeks, they go into early evening. I told her I was stressing out about working and making treatments. She told me that she is treating several teachers right now and they are helping accommodate people who are working. She told me not to worry. It was a huge relief. Maybe it will work out perfectly and I can just go after work, come home and move on. It will be a pain due to it being 35 times. I don't even want to start the countdown on that, it will suck for a long, long time....I will think about that in a few weeks. I can ease my mind a bit.
Doc was quite impressed with my hair, nurses too. She also thought I was crazy when I asked if I should assume all this chemo worked. She was like, "yeah, duh". but didn't say the duh part. She told me that after chemo I will be on surveillance and see her every three weeks, then graduate to six weeks, then to three months, to six months to yearly. Okay. Sounds good. She was happy that I wasn't reporting any new side effects. Just my two favorites: insomnia and weight gain. Yippie! I gained steadily again. Glad I have only two more. Oh well, could be worse. This time I wasn't a total wreck and cry. I was kind of like, whatever. I knew it was coming. It has been steady and is a side effect of this drug. Couldn't they make a drug with side effects of growing lush hair, weight loss to your best bmi and maybe something else, like you now get a talent. You know, you all of a sudden can sing, draw or play an instrument. That would be cool. I'd like to play the banjo. I should try, maybe I can.
Brad tagged out Kristin who was my buddy today and made me make rainbow loom bracelets for Debby's fundraiser. If any of you want to help her out, even with 5 bucks, she pledged 1500 for breast cancer while running the Chicago Marathon in October. Here is how: You google marathonforthecure and it takes you to the Susan B. Komen site. Then you click on the Chicago Marathon. Then you go to Donate to a Participant. Then you put in Debby Nelson. That is it. Donate one coffee's worth! I think she has 700 dollars to go. If each of average amount of daily readers donate one dollar to her, that would be about 100 bucks. That would help! Go Debby!
Anyway, chemo went fast, and the nurses are very enjoyable to talk to. I then ran home, grabbed a few things, had to go to Jewel, of course I had to bring a snack, then went to softball game, and late dinner and now home. Ready to drop. Softball for Mars at noon, Dane at noon two. Divide and conquer. Then rest. That is the plan. Long week. It was all good. I am very optimistic about a lot of things. It is good to feel good. Good night.
Here is the link: I tried and it worked. Let me know if it doesn't. Thank you all!
http://www.info-komen.org/site/PageServer?pagename=HQ_MFTC_Home
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Going for the Gold
The eve of number 10!!! I would have never thought that I would be excited to go to chemotherapy, but I am getting so close to being done I can't help it.... Today is September 5th ...and my last one is the 20th...so in a mere 15 days I will be done! I am not sure which sounds better:
2 treatments left, or
2 weeks, or
15 days from now.... It's all in your perspective....but the light at the end of the chemo tunnel is starting to be visible...
Tomorrow is the longer day, doctor appointment and Herceptin. Brad will do the doctor with me and Kristin is tag teaming for treatment. I am sure it will go fast and we will be silly and make the best of it.
Other than that, life is good. I feel good. I have a positive attitude, and I am feeling more like me. If the insomnia goes away after the chemo is done, and my hair starts taking off and I shed the extra baggage... I will be golden...
2 treatments left, or
2 weeks, or
15 days from now.... It's all in your perspective....but the light at the end of the chemo tunnel is starting to be visible...
Tomorrow is the longer day, doctor appointment and Herceptin. Brad will do the doctor with me and Kristin is tag teaming for treatment. I am sure it will go fast and we will be silly and make the best of it.
Other than that, life is good. I feel good. I have a positive attitude, and I am feeling more like me. If the insomnia goes away after the chemo is done, and my hair starts taking off and I shed the extra baggage... I will be golden...
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
A Little Bit Me
Curriculum Night over and done. I really don't mind doing them, I like the parents. My problem this year was that I didn't want to leave my house once I got home, but I did. It all went well and I am glad it is over. I didn't wear anything on my head, I am standing tough on the hair, it is what it is, and it really isn't that bad. None of my parents addressed it really. Only one mom, who I kind of know, told me her daughter said that I looked beautiful without anything...this is the same girl that broke the ice for me on the first day of school. I told her mom how much that made my day easier. That was it. That is the way it is should have been. They were there to check out the teacher, look at the classroom and learn about 5th grade, not talk about my personal life. I am pleased that it was a non-issue. Soon I will blend in, (I know, ha ha) with everyone else and simply go about my life....
The hair growth has really helped me regain some of my confidence and self. I feel more outgoing and acceptable in public. I feel that I can start to be a little more me...I like that. I can only imagine how I will feel when my surgeries are done,I will feel like a million bucks...can't wait.
Two days until chemo week 22! Phew! See, I am a poet too....
3 more left...I can't wait! September 20th will be a day to celebrate....
Holy crud...I just reread this to edit and totally did NOT mean for the last sentence to rhyme. Ha!
The hair growth has really helped me regain some of my confidence and self. I feel more outgoing and acceptable in public. I feel that I can start to be a little more me...I like that. I can only imagine how I will feel when my surgeries are done,I will feel like a million bucks...can't wait.
Two days until chemo week 22! Phew! See, I am a poet too....
3 more left...I can't wait! September 20th will be a day to celebrate....
Holy crud...I just reread this to edit and totally did NOT mean for the last sentence to rhyme. Ha!
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Sleepyhead
I am exhausted. I think the weekend of fresh air, lack of quality sleep and back to work has just about done me in. Coffee doesn't help wake a zombie! I made it through the day fine, but just felt that tired haze I get sometimes. Came home and went horizontal for 20 minutes. It really didn't help today, but life as mom never stops...Up and off to softball practice. While Mars was there, I went to Target, without a hat or anything, I am officially done...no more anything unless I want it for "fashion" reasons. Yeah me. I will love warm hats this winter, but for now, I am out of hiding. I should post a picture soon on here, but I need a good one, and I don't have that. But it is official.
Came home from store and picking up Marley and made the easiest, cheating dinner. I bought, (yeah, chastise me later) precooked AND precubed chicken. I heated it up for us, got out some fruit, hummus and a tomato and went a la carte style. No fancy food for us. Boys are at a game. I knew that I wouldn't be able to do his game today because I was just too tired to sit there until 8:30-I am listening to my body. I will also miss tomorrow night because of my curriculum night. I am missing Marley's curriculum night too. Why does everything fall on one evening? Nothing I can do, and I refuse to bring on stress or guilt at this point. I am ready to get through last chemos, and start getting in shape. I know it will take a few weeks to get out of system, but my mind will be so thrilled and on overdrive that maybe it will double jump start my metabolism. That would be cool. Wishful thinking...However...if I willed my hair to grow...then maybe I can will the pounds to melt off....Yeah, that is my next plan....
I want to go to bed but Marley is still up, a bit sad that my 8 year old has more energy in the evening.
One of the best things about long weekends isn't just the Monday off, it is the fact that your second day of work is already Wednesday! Hump Day! Good rest to all....
Came home from store and picking up Marley and made the easiest, cheating dinner. I bought, (yeah, chastise me later) precooked AND precubed chicken. I heated it up for us, got out some fruit, hummus and a tomato and went a la carte style. No fancy food for us. Boys are at a game. I knew that I wouldn't be able to do his game today because I was just too tired to sit there until 8:30-I am listening to my body. I will also miss tomorrow night because of my curriculum night. I am missing Marley's curriculum night too. Why does everything fall on one evening? Nothing I can do, and I refuse to bring on stress or guilt at this point. I am ready to get through last chemos, and start getting in shape. I know it will take a few weeks to get out of system, but my mind will be so thrilled and on overdrive that maybe it will double jump start my metabolism. That would be cool. Wishful thinking...However...if I willed my hair to grow...then maybe I can will the pounds to melt off....Yeah, that is my next plan....
I want to go to bed but Marley is still up, a bit sad that my 8 year old has more energy in the evening.
One of the best things about long weekends isn't just the Monday off, it is the fact that your second day of work is already Wednesday! Hump Day! Good rest to all....
Monday, September 2, 2013
LDWR
Labor Day Weekend Report:
Friday: Taxol 9-complete. Yeah! Angie kept me company for treatment on Friday, and as usual having good conversation makes even the yuckiest of times fly by. The nurses there are also incredibly nice and like to joke with me. I am lucky to be the afternoon on Friday so they are in good moods and the place is practically empty.
After chemo I came home and about 5:20p.m. we were on the road. The five of us piled in Deb's Prius and headed north. Our first, and only, stop was for pizza at the Roman Candle. We called ahead to have them get it started for us to cut down the time... I am a genius you know. This was the first public outing I went without anything on my head. I figured if I can't get away with it in Madison, I would have trouble elsewhere. Nobody cared. Either did I. Plus, I was crashing hard. I had a hard time in the car just about the time we hit the Madison area, that 2 hours after wall. We ate and journeyed on. Thank goodness I wasn't driving. No way.
We rolled in around 10 p.m. and Brad wasn't home. He was visiting our friends up the road. We all went to bed, he came back and had no clue we arrived. Then on Saturday the rest of our friends came up. We had: tents, a ton of kids, 5 dogs at it's max, a pop up camper, glow sticks, scavenger hunts, pork shoulder in Dutch oven, cake, pie, birthdays, water balloons, pond dipping, trivial pursuit, beverages, atv rides, fort building, campfires, smore's, crafts, great company and a lot of fun in the sun!
Besides all the fresh air and normal sleep issues, I felt great. I didn't have any aches or pains, and I didn't think too much about treatment or what next. I like going to the cabin, it is a real escape. I feel like all is normal, I am me and this is what I do with my family. Something during the weekend made me feel that it was all going to be okay. That I would be able to have Marvinia with my friends and family for years to come. That this was all going to be behind me one day. I hope it renewed my spirit. It is good to keep renewing some things, like spirit and library books.
I have an incredibly busy schedule this week that I need to attempt to manage sanely. Too much to do and too many places to be. I will not make them all, and I will need to say no to some things. Prioritize with health-then everything else. I need to stay strong and on track, I have come so far. I have doc, chemo and Herceptin Friday...that is the last of them altogether because the two after are regular. Getting ready to move to next phase.
Bed as soon as I shower. Last shower was Friday...Yah, I blogged first, kids are showering first... Hope you had a great weekend also.
Friday: Taxol 9-complete. Yeah! Angie kept me company for treatment on Friday, and as usual having good conversation makes even the yuckiest of times fly by. The nurses there are also incredibly nice and like to joke with me. I am lucky to be the afternoon on Friday so they are in good moods and the place is practically empty.
After chemo I came home and about 5:20p.m. we were on the road. The five of us piled in Deb's Prius and headed north. Our first, and only, stop was for pizza at the Roman Candle. We called ahead to have them get it started for us to cut down the time... I am a genius you know. This was the first public outing I went without anything on my head. I figured if I can't get away with it in Madison, I would have trouble elsewhere. Nobody cared. Either did I. Plus, I was crashing hard. I had a hard time in the car just about the time we hit the Madison area, that 2 hours after wall. We ate and journeyed on. Thank goodness I wasn't driving. No way.
We rolled in around 10 p.m. and Brad wasn't home. He was visiting our friends up the road. We all went to bed, he came back and had no clue we arrived. Then on Saturday the rest of our friends came up. We had: tents, a ton of kids, 5 dogs at it's max, a pop up camper, glow sticks, scavenger hunts, pork shoulder in Dutch oven, cake, pie, birthdays, water balloons, pond dipping, trivial pursuit, beverages, atv rides, fort building, campfires, smore's, crafts, great company and a lot of fun in the sun!
Besides all the fresh air and normal sleep issues, I felt great. I didn't have any aches or pains, and I didn't think too much about treatment or what next. I like going to the cabin, it is a real escape. I feel like all is normal, I am me and this is what I do with my family. Something during the weekend made me feel that it was all going to be okay. That I would be able to have Marvinia with my friends and family for years to come. That this was all going to be behind me one day. I hope it renewed my spirit. It is good to keep renewing some things, like spirit and library books.
I have an incredibly busy schedule this week that I need to attempt to manage sanely. Too much to do and too many places to be. I will not make them all, and I will need to say no to some things. Prioritize with health-then everything else. I need to stay strong and on track, I have come so far. I have doc, chemo and Herceptin Friday...that is the last of them altogether because the two after are regular. Getting ready to move to next phase.
Bed as soon as I shower. Last shower was Friday...Yah, I blogged first, kids are showering first... Hope you had a great weekend also.
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