Crappy Day

Today was rough. It started out when I tried to get to the bathroom  and got the shakes and sweats.  I was dizzy and nauseated all day from that point.  I also hurt. I have new incision areas to be aware of.  Sitting up hurts. I spent the entire day on the porch couch. In and out of sleep. The kids checked in on me and brought me what I needed-but overall this day was a wash. I'm still on the couch, still have a headache and am still really tired. Trying to eat some macaroni-but not all that enthusiastic about it.  

Haven't looked yet, maybe tomorrow. I don't have enthusiasm for that either.  I'll probably take a Norco and go upstairs to bed.

Home

I've made it through yet another procedure! Yeah me.  The kids and Brad were with me today, I wanted them there.  Before I didn't, they were in school.  The surgery was about an hour and a half long-plus recovery time.  I got home about 4:45ish. It started a half hour later than expected also. I hate waiting, I get anxious.

I didn't see the doctor afterwards, but Brad did. He said it all went very well. My first question was-what size? I have 500 & 550- but they match according to him.  I almost cried right then. That's smaller than the expanders. Did I do all of this torturous stuff for nothing much? Damn. I guess he did what he could do, and that left side was so damaged I should be happy he got anything in.  But I'm not.

I haven't seen them besides peeking down in-I'm in a surgical bra with fluff. I have this sinking feeling I'm going to be very disappointed.  That also makes me feel like a bitch because it's all vanity crap. But this "journey" has been ugly. It's made me ugly.  I've gained 15lbs, ( and the tamoxifen causes some of that), have stupid hair and now a disproportionate body.  I was looking for a carrot here at the end. Oh well.  As I've been mulling over, the carrot is my life. I'm here and that's what counts more than a bra size. I completely know that, however I'm still a woman who wants to look nice and feel good about herself. Insert sneering face here.

I left the hospital pretty nauseated and came home and crashed. Got up about 7:00-super thirsty. Dane made me a baked potato for dinner and I'm back on the couch.  Pain? Yeah. Severe? No-but I have a high tolerance.  The incision sites hurt-so I took a Norco about 30 minutes ago. If there are any weird things in this post about rainbows or unicorns, blame it on the painkillers!

Thanks to all my friends who texted me throughout the day and last night! I love you all! Thanks for the thoughts and prayers!

Soon

It's 8:18. Still in bed because I don't want to get up and not eat or drink-these days are tough. I hurt extra this morning-I'm sure the nerves and anticipation are the cause. I leave here in two hours. Killing time will be tough-long shower!?!   Until later....

Tomorrow's the Big Day!

It's been a long haul and I feel that tomorrow is the end of the big hurdles. Tomorrow is the next and hopefully last phase in reconstruction. It's Tata Tuesday! So here I am on the eve of yet another milestone.  Another  surgery.  I don't know if I'm nervous or not, kind of nonchalant. The surgery should be a breeze for the doctor-and for me. However-I don't believe anything anyone says because I hate getting my hopes up too high. Like "radiation was a breeze"... A fiery scorching breeze from Hell that left me with third degree burns and damaged skin. Yeah. Haven't forgot that yet.

Today was full of errands including my herceptin treatment. I only have two more! I have one more mugga heart scan too. July I'm done! The kids came with me today for treatment. It was nice having them there. My last one, I'm throwing a party! It's a Friday and I think we will all go for drinks!

One other thing we did today was grab some caramel corn and visit my mom's grave. Each year I've done this with the kids. We buy the caramel corn and sprinkle it around her grave so the birds and squirrels can have a treat.  We also indulge in the goodness.  Makes me sad. I wish she was here. I know she's my guardian angel, but I really wish she was here.

Marley had a great softball game tonight- Brad grilled a yummy steak and now chillin' with my Marley.  She has the wiggliest tooth and I'm wrestling it out tonight!!

I'll post when I get home from hospital. I'm hoping to be home by 3:30. Fingers crossed all goes well and I feel pretty good!!

Cross toes too!

The Eve of the Eve

When you choose to spend Sunday being leisurely, having bloody Mary's with friends and enjoying a gorgeous day-you know life is good. I'm gearing up for Tuesday...not really. I don't know how to best prepare myself, so I'm pretty nonchalant about the whole thing. I'm ready to feel releif and get it done-but who wants to be cut open again?

There's nothing special I have to do. I have to stop eating at midnight the night before-okay. And I have to take an expensive anti nausea pill 1.5 hours ahead of surgery. He says this helps coming out and feeling good enough to go home.  Wear comfy, easy clothes-and show up. All of which I can do. 

I have my Tuesday night babysitter lined up for myself. If it rains, Brad will be home.  Shouldn't be alone otherwise-not for first 24 hours. I know the drill. 

Tomorrow is orthodontist, herceptin for me, and possibly a massage. Need to call and see if they can move me a bit, otherwise I'm out of luck...again!!!

End of the Year

School is out for summer!!! It was bittersweet, I had some really amazing students this year-like family. I had one boy and one girl in tears. They got me going too. These kids accepted me when I started school bald, they supported me in all my hair lengths and what nots.  Great kids!  I will miss them! I wanted to go out with colleagues, but I had all of Marley's softball gear in my car so I couldn't . Poop!

Came home ready to drop physically and mentally. But no-softball!! We took girls to the game and I went to Jewel to buy a smorgasbord of food. I'm so done with 9:00 p.m.  dinners.  I bought chicken, hummus, granola, cheese, crackers, etc. Another family brought the "lemonade". We had a mini Ravinia set up. Beautiful night! Another 2hr 45 minute game.  Came back and wrapping it all up-to do again in the morning! Boys play at 9, Mars at 9:30.  We're having a breakfast at the game-I'm making coffee.

I'm really excited for summer! I want it to be 100,000,000 times better than last year! I feel okay, not amazing-minor issues here and there-but nobody is concerned so why should I be?  Surgery is soon- Tata Tuesday is right around the corner...relief and more normalcy on its way!

Hitting the hay!

Pre-Op

I met with the plastic surgeon this afternoon to go over Tuesday's surgery. He went over the procedure, what I'm supposed to do to prepare and what I can and can't expect from the whole thing. He spent a lot of time with me explaining it all and I feel very comfortable in his hands. I believe and trust his judgement and expertise. He's done hundreds of these before. He made sure he wasn't minimizing my care, but wanted me to know he was comfortable doing this.

Over all he goes in and makes a cut underside of the expanders.  He pushes them out and then opens that area up like a clamshell.  Then he uses sizing implants to see which one "fits like a glove". He is ordering four different sizes to try.  We are hoping to be able to get at least the same as now or a little more. He is using silicone implants, the newest ones on the market.  Should be interesting.

Looking for relief mainly.

He went over all the things that could happen but most likely won't. The implant could go rogue and we would have to fix that!  I will have to get an MRI every three years to look for tears.  Okay, not a big deal.

As long as I am not too nauseated and am coherent after surgery, I'm to go home soon after.  2-3 weeks of laying low. I asked what that means in regards to working on my camper. He said I should pick put cushions and stain things-no sanding or anything more. Poop!

Oh well, I'll work my tail off this weekend. Then small things. It's coming to an end. Get me some boobs, drop some poundage...and figure out how to deal with my whacky curly hair helmet!!!!!!!!!