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I've made it through yet another procedure! Yeah me.  The kids and Brad were with me today, I wanted them there.  Before I didn't, they were in school.  The surgery was about an hour and a half long-plus recovery time.  I got home about 4:45ish. It started a half hour later than expected also. I hate waiting, I get anxious.

I didn't see the doctor afterwards, but Brad did. He said it all went very well. My first question was-what size? I have 500 & 550- but they match according to him.  I almost cried right then. That's smaller than the expanders. Did I do all of this torturous stuff for nothing much? Damn. I guess he did what he could do, and that left side was so damaged I should be happy he got anything in.  But I'm not.

I haven't seen them besides peeking down in-I'm in a surgical bra with fluff. I have this sinking feeling I'm going to be very disappointed.  That also makes me feel like a bitch because it's all vanity crap. But this "journey" has been ugly. It's made me ugly.  I've gained 15lbs, ( and the tamoxifen causes some of that), have stupid hair and now a disproportionate body.  I was looking for a carrot here at the end. Oh well.  As I've been mulling over, the carrot is my life. I'm here and that's what counts more than a bra size. I completely know that, however I'm still a woman who wants to look nice and feel good about herself. Insert sneering face here.

I left the hospital pretty nauseated and came home and crashed. Got up about 7:00-super thirsty. Dane made me a baked potato for dinner and I'm back on the couch.  Pain? Yeah. Severe? No-but I have a high tolerance.  The incision sites hurt-so I took a Norco about 30 minutes ago. If there are any weird things in this post about rainbows or unicorns, blame it on the painkillers!

Thanks to all my friends who texted me throughout the day and last night! I love you all! Thanks for the thoughts and prayers!