Out Of the Office...

Currently out of the office for break...and about to leave the country as well....can't tell you where, I'm part if the witness protection vacation program.

Am I Really an Old Lady?

Why as soon as one odd ache or pain diminishes,  another takes it place. It's so frustrating!  I'm learning to just ignore everything, because as Kristin says, they are "old lady pains."  Argh. This fill is really tight and has been tough for the past few days. I'm having a hard time standing up straight. I'm having a tough time at night too. I'm sure it will get better as the muscle stretches, thought it was too good to be true that it was going to be as easy as the last fill. Hey, one week of less discomfort is a good thing. I'll take an hour at this point. Give me one pain free hour!

Going to bed early, got a busy day tomorrow! 

I'd Like a Side Order Please

I really need to update a picture, my hair has grown so much since that last photo. It can't even spike it up anymore it's too long and heavy. People tell me how they really like it short and that I should keep it like this. I appreciate the kind remarks, but I really want my longer hair back. I'm not sure what it will look like, or if it will stay curly. I always wished for curly hair....

Last night was very uncomfortable. The fill was fine but now that the new 'sisters' are arriving it's tough to sleep. My back constantly hurts from laying in the same position all night, every night for the past 6 weeks. I kind of generally ached all day. I hunch when the chest muscles are tight which then causes more back pain. Nothing much I can do but try to stretch and let the muscles do their thing. Not being able to move around when sleeping is tough.

Went out for a beer with Kristin and she asked me if I was happy with the results so far. I guess it's just hard for me to be happy about any of this. Yes, I'm happy that it is going well and I look more like a normal woman than the mess I was. Yes, I'm happy we're getting closer to being done with surgeries. I just want to wake up one day and feel good. Each morning I pull up my big girl panties and face the world. Most of the time I feel pretty achy. I try so hard not to think there is something bad going on, but it's difficult. Some days are easier than others. I push through at work and put on a decent game face. Nobody really wants to know the gory details of being me. I don't even share then with Brad anymore, it's too draining. For the both of us.  I'm trying to accept that I have very little control over my fate. If something is supposed to get me it will. I'm trying to stay positive, stay busy and enjoy my curent life because you never know what is around the corner...hopefully a Starbucks serving up some optimism with a side of hope.

Puberty Part Duex

I have either become a bad blogger or I'm just so busy that time flies and my nights creep up on me....it has been a very busy past few weeks. The kids have activities, Marley almost every day and sometimes two...and Dane is busy also on top of working as much as he can-he's a great babysitter!  And me, I drive them-and drive myself to treatments and fill ups. I went today instead of tomorrow for my weekly fill. I wanted it a day early to get more comfortable with them before break. All went well but a bit of soreness and tightness now.  The muscles are really stretching out! I cannot believe how much of a difference there is from 6 weeks ago. I'm looking pretty good! I even, scarily enough, tried the top of my tankini swimsuit on, just to see if I could pass for a normal woman. Believe it or not I did! It covered all my scars, covers my port and my foobs ( fake boobs) look pretty decent-not too shabby. Not that I need a swimsuit anytime soon-it was a nice test. 

As I lie here in bed, I feel the weight and pressure on my chest. I took a couple Tylenol and some Zquil  and will hope for painless rest.

The weird thing I'm trying seems to be all a buzz out there in the real world...it's called oil pulling. My masseuse told me about and I have never heard of it before. Now it's everywhere! It's the ancient Ayurvedic therapy of detoxifying your body via coconut oil swishing. Look it up, seriously. It's not that easy, and a little gross-especially the first time. You have to do it first thing in the morning before any food or drink. The oil is allegedly pulling toxins from your mouth, sinuses and what not and adheres to the oil. You're supposed to swish around form15-20 MINUTES!!! Yeah, that's a long time. I get up and put it in my mouth first thing-then shower-dry off, etc-that knocks off a good portion of the time. You don't swallow because it's full of nasties. Rinse, brush and drink some water....many health benefits-especially stronger teeth and gums and also whitens them. I don't know, but I'm trying. Read up on it and give it a whirl. Brad tried it day 1...he lasted 10 seconds if that, he reported. He couldn't handle the gag reflex. It's better melted first. You can do that in a double boiler set up with hot tap water and a Dixie cup-coconut oil melts at 76degrees.

Try it! Let me know ( of course it will be text or email, cricket cricket) how you do. I'll be interested in if you can do it, if you'll stick with it and all that!

Tired now. Caught up the blogging for now. Chest is sore, need rest. Hugs!

Busy Weekend!

This weekend was jammed pack with errands, kid social activities, date night and house projects. I feel that we we're very productive. I did get to sleep in a little Saturday morning even though it was the trifecta sleep over. The girls were really good. Brad and I did some shopping and errands. We then went on a double date and had a fantastic dinner. It's been awhile since I've had a really good meal-and tapas is the way to go. Sangria... Mmmmm.  Then today we split up to divide and conquer chores, shopping and what not. I felt pretty good all day. I was in a good mood and my body seemed to feel good.   I did a lot this afternoon and I'm now a bit sore, my back gets tweaks and my weird stomach flutter thing is here again. I'm trying to ignore it.  The tissue expanders have not been an issue this whole last fill, yeah!!!. Getting a fill again on Tuesday. 

Happy Friday

I'm so glad it's Friday because I want to sleep in tomorrow, I've been looking forward to Saturday all week.  My plan may be foiled,  as marley has two friends sleeping over tonight. I also had to leave my movie with Bead to pick up Dane and a friend from a "social gathering" at his girlfriends house. Omg! He's growing up so fast. Yes, there was adult supervision!

In the last two nights, two people that I talked to, and had to tell a brief history of my ordeal,  asked me if I was "out of the woods"-and "did they get it in time"...so hard to answer..."um, I hope so" is my reply. Yikes.  What if I said ,"no, I've got two weeks to live".  That woukd be horrible. Don't ask that question. Ever. We don't know, well never knkw if were out of the woods-we can only hope. From now on I'm not sharing. I look normal and have no super telling signs. Just moving forward.

Tired and otherwise okay. Looking towards a low key weekend...and sleeping in!

March 20-one year ago....

One year ago I had my life and body altering double mastectomy. I can hardly believe a year has passed, it doesn't seem like it. I'm not sure if that's good or bad really. Whatever it is...it is. Can't dwell and can't let it spoil my new year.

This March 20th was much more lively than last. Mars has her Girls on the Run and softball, I dropped things off at her school for a sale, met Brad and Mike for the beer tasting.... Eh. I ordered a Belgian style ale and it was way to hoppy for me, not a fan. I had a few sips of the darker style beer that Brad had left but still not overly impressed. Plus, it had gluten. So I cheated with a few sips. Dinner and my beer now are both still gluten free... But I'm getting bored of food. I eat less, that's for sure. That's good for me at least. The gluten free beer for beer a loving couple is pretty depressing.... Gluten may be reintroduced soon...real soon. 

My goal was to get to bed early, haven't been sleeping well-even with Zquil. I'm not sure if I'll reach my goal... I have to play a few levels of juice cubes first. :)