I really need to update a picture, my hair has grown so much since that last photo. It can't even spike it up anymore it's too long and heavy. People tell me how they really like it short and that I should keep it like this. I appreciate the kind remarks, but I really want my longer hair back. I'm not sure what it will look like, or if it will stay curly. I always wished for curly hair....
Last night was very uncomfortable. The fill was fine but now that the new 'sisters' are arriving it's tough to sleep. My back constantly hurts from laying in the same position all night, every night for the past 6 weeks. I kind of generally ached all day. I hunch when the chest muscles are tight which then causes more back pain. Nothing much I can do but try to stretch and let the muscles do their thing. Not being able to move around when sleeping is tough.
Went out for a beer with Kristin and she asked me if I was happy with the results so far. I guess it's just hard for me to be happy about any of this. Yes, I'm happy that it is going well and I look more like a normal woman than the mess I was. Yes, I'm happy we're getting closer to being done with surgeries. I just want to wake up one day and feel good. Each morning I pull up my big girl panties and face the world. Most of the time I feel pretty achy. I try so hard not to think there is something bad going on, but it's difficult. Some days are easier than others. I push through at work and put on a decent game face. Nobody really wants to know the gory details of being me. I don't even share then with Brad anymore, it's too draining. For the both of us. I'm trying to accept that I have very little control over my fate. If something is supposed to get me it will. I'm trying to stay positive, stay busy and enjoy my curent life because you never know what is around the corner...hopefully a Starbucks serving up some optimism with a side of hope.
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