PT Starts

I am going to be freakin' Wonder Woman when I'm done with my "journey", I tell ya! Today directly after school I went for my physical therapy evaluation. It's my rotater cuff,  the stiffness and inflammation make the bones hit each other causing pain and immobility. So were going to work on it. The PT was wonderful, we are also going to work on my chest muscles to help the pain and scar tissue from the expanders. She did her evaluation and then some stim and ice today. I have some small exercise stretching to do before Thursday. I love having one more thing added to my already hectic schedule.

I called the plastic surgeon's office today to schedule the switch out. The lady told me that the first available date was July 28th. Wtf????  I said no way. I cannot wait that long, I was told 6-8 weeks and it would ruin vacation plans and summer altogether.  She said she would look into a better date. I said early June. That's what I need to move on. I'll cry on the phone and to the doctor if needed. I don't want to, but will resort to that if necessary.

I missed my massage which I always look forward to, but kept the appointment and sent Brad.  He needs the massage especially with all the baseball throwing and stuff, glad he went. He's not home yet to see if he liked it.

I also called the GI office and now have an appointment May 8th. Always something. Let's get me all figured out and back on track ASAP.

Tomorrow-my baby boy, who is taller than me, turns 13!!!! Wow!!! I remember the day he was born, and I remember the turkey sandwich I ate as soon as he was out! Little bugger made me so sick! But he's made me so happy for the last 13. (except 7th graders have an attitude).

Old Chicago

Remember that place? Old Chicago? It had an indoor amusement park? I have no idea where it was, but I remember the roller coaster. It was pretty cool.  Busy weeknd. Lots to think about.  I'm okay with the decision of not going to be able to go any larger, it is what it has to be and I can deal with it. Whatever. Not going to dwell on it anymore. I'm more anxious to call the office tomorrow and get a date in the books. 

Yesterday afternoon we divided and conquered ball games. Boys lost, girl wins. Marley has scored runs in both games that she's had so far. Not bad. It was freezing out, so my friend and I huddled in the back of my car which I backed in right by the fence. It was perfect. Started a trend of cars...like we were tailgating. Later, we went to the city for dinner to celebrate a 40th birthday. We went to the very crowded, very loud and very tasty-90 Miles West Cuban Cafe. It's worth checking out. Late night home, and Marley was still up. She crashed as soon as I got her upstairs.

Today was planned to be a fun, family outing for Danes upcoming birthday. I had purchased tickets to C2E2, which is in essence-Chicago's Comic-Con.  Of course, the boys have a game. Really? Argh. I wanted them to not go, but Brad is a die hard devoted coach-so he blew us off instead. I called my brother up to see if he and my 12 year old niece would want to go, and they did. So back down to Chicago! 

Talk about a crazy day! It was great people watching for sure! Costumed people, artists, writers, science fiction stars. Stan Lee was there, didn't see him because I don't pay to meet people-sorry. There was a whole area dedicated to tattoo art and people getting inked. It was like Halloween, art, technology and more. We logged over 3 miles of walking. Phew! I'm beat!  Mars fell asleep on the way home. 

I hope I can see the GI soon, I need to take care of this weirdness. Everything else is falling in place...let's get this body back in working order! I've got people to see, places to go and things to do!!!

******Please all send prayers and positive energy to a close friend who is having surgery tomorrow. We all need the extra help to get us through the tough times.

No More

Here's the deal. My plastic surgeon wouldn't fill because of my skin and my shoulder. First I have to say that my gut instinct to see him was accurate. If I would have gone and did another fill, things could have got messy.  Pretty much between explanations, a few tears, checking vanity at the door and issues of pain management- he said he thinks we're done. He said he should be able to get a few, up to 100 more cc's, in at time of switch.  I was upset because I wanted to be in control of that decision, not my body once again dictating what's going on.  Plus, I wanted a great end product for all my pain and suffering.  Then that made me sad that I was being so vain and not just thankful it's gone as well as it has. So call me a shallow person-don't care. 

He gave me a script for physical therapy, which now adds two weekly appointments on top of my already ridiculous schedule. I got some more pain meds for night when it hurts the worst- of course didn't get it filled yet.  He said to call them after first pt and see what they say, and see how I feel.  If I wait in a month he can try to add more. My skin could split open or something terrible and I be in much deeper of a mess.  So after tears on the phone with Brad, I, we, decided to end it where I am.  I'll call the doctor Monday and tell them to get me on the books for the switch. Decision is done. Vanity- gone. Reality- I'll never look the same. Harsh.  Damaged goods. 

Then I went to the oncologist. All my bloodwork is fine. But I weigh more than last time. The tamoxifen is kicking my metabolism down to zilch. I asked her if I will end up 300 lb. at this rate. She said it should stabilize, and I will have to work out twice as much to combat it.  Yeah, another battle!!!  So I'm logging all my calories and exercising more, this is all too depressing. Once again, loss of control and vanity. Adding insult to injury. 

I also got a referral to a GI for my fluttery abdominal issue. She said they may want to do a colonoscopy. Well I don't. I don't want any more pokes and procedures. I'll cross that bridge when I get there.  I'm getting worn out!

Then treatment. I love chatting with the nurses-they're great ladies.  

Went to dinner with Brad while kids each respectively had their own plans. Then hung out with friends for a bit.

Had a very bad night with pain. I'm not sure why it was so bad, nothing changed, but it was. Busy day for us too.   Suck it up-and move on. 

April 24th

I'm frustrated. I can't seem to get ahead, or even at the least. I'm trying so hard to get my old self back and it's difficult and tiring. I get tired and touchy, and frankly just need some attention that isn't medical related. I'd like a conversation that wasn't about how I feel. I'm an old lady talking about my aches and pains. How depressing. A 44 year old 90 year old. Sad face.  Will I ever be even normalish?...

I want to be back on a trip somewhere far away from reality. 

Softball season has begun. Marley went from girls on the run to her first game. Too much. They lost, but she did score one of the four runs her team got. Go girlie!

Tomorrow morning I see the plastic surgeon himself. We'll figure out my shoulder and next steps for expansion. If things go well, we can put a date on the calendar for the switcheroo. That would make me feel that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm doing all my appointments solo, Brad is busy. Hope all goes smoothly. 

Goal Setting

Same story, different day. My shoulder is getting worse, glad I'm going Friday before it gets so stuck my arm becomes useless. I've started tracking my caloric intake because I cannot stand how fat I am. Having a year of very little physical activity and the tamoxifen, which causes weight gain, I have a lot of work to do. So I'm using an app to log in food and exercise. Today I did the elliptical for 44 minutes-earned enough to eat dinner. Phew. I'm on the caloric intake to attempt to lose 1.5 lbs a week. I know I have to move more, which I am. Okay, the elliptical was without arms as of now, but it was great exercise.  It's funny how a stupid app can help you become more accountable for what you eat. I don't want to log it, so I won't eat it.  My salads with veggies and what not are a total pain to log. I should eat even simpler. We'll see how well I do. I'm motivated, I'm not happy with what this has done to me on so many levels. Brutal. Baldness, breastless & beastly. Lovely. 

The baseball/softball season starts tomorrow with Marely's first game. We had to run out to get new cleats because we forgot about that. I can't keep it all straight. I have so much I want to accomplish this spring and summer and this health stuff is getting in my way. Let's finish this boob job and whip me back in shape.  I get kind of bummed when I think of all the things I can't ever do gain- but need to focus on the things I can. 

Like: hang with my awesome kids, shop, create art, drink beer with Brad, girls weekends, swim, write, teach, sightsee, travel, snowboard ( if I don't fall), bake, watch movies, run ( wasn't very good before), text, play games, eat gelato, go to Wisconsin, dance, listen to great music, watch kids sports, walk, hike, bike, laugh, & enjoy life everyday!

How's that for an uplifting close.

Frozen

No no, not the overrated kids movie, but my shoulder! Crappy, crap crap!!! I cannot move my shoulder normally, it's become immobilized. I was told about this as a potential problem, but so far I was okay. This just started after my last, very painful fill. I must have been very careful and limited in movement enough to freeze up the joint. I caused this myself I guess. Sorry I wasn't playing volleyball or doing the wave.

I was supposed to go for a fill tomorrow, but I called today because of this new issue. I need to see the doctor. His assistant is great, but I need the real doctor. The only time I can see him is during the day on Friday. So be it. I have herceptin and the oncologist Friday afternoon also. Looks like Friday is going to be a blast. 

I looked up frozen shoukder online-I pretty much am a textbook case. 1. Recent surgery/ injury.  2. Age 40-70. 3. More common in women..... All the symptoms are there too. It's not the worse thing in the world, most likely taken care of with physical therapy and pain meds. I doesn't hurt unless I try to move it, otherwise it's just stuck. I really don't have time in my schedule for pt, but I need it bad!!!  I'll just let it go!  Get it? Frozen? Movie joke....??? ( elementary teacher/mom, I know this stuff)

Just another pit stop in my "journey".  Argh. I'll keep driving, I don't want to run out of gas!!!

Did you know that we all have common ancestors of all modern life?  Yeah, we are related to fungi and goldfish....Neil Degrasse Tyson told me. I love that guy, best voice ever.  Way too smart for me though. 

Monday

Just another manic Monday, wish it was Sunday....  All was fine, just lots going on and I'm still rather sore. I have poor mobility in my left arm-and shoulder.  I'm worried it's getting "frozen". I don't know what that really means but it doesn't sound good. I cannot straighten out my arm and reach. It just doesn't go that way. I've never broken a bone nor been immobile before, so this is very weird for me. I need to ask for physical therapy and soon. What if I become a royal and have to wave with my left hand? I could lose my tiara. Damn.

My stomach issue is annoying and will get a referral on Friday for a GI, I've given it a chance to go away. Hoping it's not something terrible, can't deal with terrible. It can't be because I'm on the end of my journey and ready to return to normal life. 

It's a long way down....