Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Fun with Scissors!
I spent the day channeling the 1980's-90's. It started when I was going through some old pictures from H.S. and college, and early Brad years. It was very entertaining. I got less done than I wanted but it was worth looking at some awesome pictures.
The highlights of the day came later. First of all it is Dane's 12th birthday! Yeah! He had a good day at school which always helps. We had a decadent birthday dinner: French toast on homemade Challah bread, with peanut butter and caramelized bananas.... I know right! Then ice cream for dessert.
The most fun was with scissors. Scissors are not a toy, but they can be a lot of fun. What would you do as a kid if your mom said cut all my hair all chunky and short....Totally right? Yeah! I couldn't stand the hair in falling out all day and ending in my face and mouth. It was driving me nuts and I wanted to cut it. I offered the cut job to a few friends but they were all busy so I grabbed the best scrap-booking scissors we had and headed to the deck. I showed Marley a pic on the internet and asked her if she could do that, yeah, she is 8! It was funny, because she was like, "yeah, I can totally do that". We just went to town. Chop, chop, chop.... Look at the pics. She had fun, so did I. To be honest, I kind of like it. I like it because it isn't in my face anymore and will be another easier transition. Plus, I am kinda rockin' the old Pat Benatar or Annie Lennox kind of thing... For now.... I think those pics from HS really had an impact-I even found some killer mirrored glasses that I plan to wear.... they rock too...
It's much better to have as much fun with all this change and drama. Crying is not that much fun, and plus it ruins your makeup. I think maybe tomorrow I need to think of 80"s makeup and work on that for a bit...
The most fun was with scissors. Scissors are not a toy, but they can be a lot of fun. What would you do as a kid if your mom said cut all my hair all chunky and short....Totally right? Yeah! I couldn't stand the hair in falling out all day and ending in my face and mouth. It was driving me nuts and I wanted to cut it. I offered the cut job to a few friends but they were all busy so I grabbed the best scrap-booking scissors we had and headed to the deck. I showed Marley a pic on the internet and asked her if she could do that, yeah, she is 8! It was funny, because she was like, "yeah, I can totally do that". We just went to town. Chop, chop, chop.... Look at the pics. She had fun, so did I. To be honest, I kind of like it. I like it because it isn't in my face anymore and will be another easier transition. Plus, I am kinda rockin' the old Pat Benatar or Annie Lennox kind of thing... For now.... I think those pics from HS really had an impact-I even found some killer mirrored glasses that I plan to wear.... they rock too...
It's much better to have as much fun with all this change and drama. Crying is not that much fun, and plus it ruins your makeup. I think maybe tomorrow I need to think of 80"s makeup and work on that for a bit...
Monday, April 29, 2013
Sheddin' Betty
Many moons ago I was a shreddin' Betty, snowboarder girl...now I am sheddin' Betty, hair falling out lady.... Oh, the first one was way more fun.... all guys and me, the only snowboarding chica...it was way better than being the only in a group with fly away hair...literally fly away hair.. I even served Dane dinner with a side of hair in it. Yuck. Take me back 20 years doing road trips for weekends in Colorado... what's 15 hours of driving for 2 days of riding? Youth. I miss it...Wait.. I'm not that old! Random tangent...sorry... brain malfunction.
Physically I felt pretty great today, besides the tiredness that comes without sleep (really kicking in now). I finished one clean/organizing project and started another. I made a few phone calls and somehow flitted a day away. The only drawback is the hair issue. I am not ready, and not sure I ever will be ready to go bald. After school Marley cut two HUGE chunks off of each side of my hair... the noise of the scissors crunching through my hair was crazy scary! She was wielding those scissors like a mad woman, I thought I may lose an ear....I had to cut her off.... Its a bad, bad haircut right now. I threw on a cap and tucked what was left behind my ears to go to Dane's game. (They won!) Now I have bad, asymmetrical hair, chunking out...Looks like tomorrow may be the day to give myself a pixie or the mohawk. Marley says she doesn't want me to have one now...kinda late after the botch job she gave me... (When else would you let your 8 year old cut your hair, never...why not?) I need to do something. It is Dane's birthday tomorrow, I will let him decide what we should do. I suggested matching haircuts... he likes the girls now and that wouldn't be cool... but he still loves me he says...
I think I may sleep on the porch, the bed isn't working so I need to try something new. Does anyone else hate birds in the morning? When you are still trying to fall asleep at 4 a.m. and the stupid birds decide to wake up, I just want to blow their heads off. Sorry, but I do. You normal sleepers don't even hear them until you gently awake from your peaceful slumber....lucky dogs... G'night
Physically I felt pretty great today, besides the tiredness that comes without sleep (really kicking in now). I finished one clean/organizing project and started another. I made a few phone calls and somehow flitted a day away. The only drawback is the hair issue. I am not ready, and not sure I ever will be ready to go bald. After school Marley cut two HUGE chunks off of each side of my hair... the noise of the scissors crunching through my hair was crazy scary! She was wielding those scissors like a mad woman, I thought I may lose an ear....I had to cut her off.... Its a bad, bad haircut right now. I threw on a cap and tucked what was left behind my ears to go to Dane's game. (They won!) Now I have bad, asymmetrical hair, chunking out...Looks like tomorrow may be the day to give myself a pixie or the mohawk. Marley says she doesn't want me to have one now...kinda late after the botch job she gave me... (When else would you let your 8 year old cut your hair, never...why not?) I need to do something. It is Dane's birthday tomorrow, I will let him decide what we should do. I suggested matching haircuts... he likes the girls now and that wouldn't be cool... but he still loves me he says...
I think I may sleep on the porch, the bed isn't working so I need to try something new. Does anyone else hate birds in the morning? When you are still trying to fall asleep at 4 a.m. and the stupid birds decide to wake up, I just want to blow their heads off. Sorry, but I do. You normal sleepers don't even hear them until you gently awake from your peaceful slumber....lucky dogs... G'night
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Weekend Edition
Yes, I forgot to blog yesterday.... I thought about it and then Marley and I had a sleeping contest on the couch...I should have stayed there because when I did go to bed I couldn't sleep. I need to fall asleep wherever and be left there, like a dog or baby. Marley asked me if Dad carried me up to bed too... Ha! That was funny, he'd need a crane!
Well, I am still hanging in there. I am desperately hoping that my bone marrow is working overtime to make my wbc better. I have had all three shots, two done by Dr. Brad. I had some bone pain, mainly in my hip/pelvis bones. It would be sudden and intense and then go away. Not too bad after today's shot, about the same. Nothing I can't handle so far. Remember I am one tough cookie....
Yesterday I was pretty bored. Baseball and kid managing, but I couldn't go anywhere or do much. It was sunny so I hung out on the porch and did a little zentangling. I had a few visitors, both human and canine. I stayed outside the whole time to avoid any form of germy contact. I am on the kids like crazy to wash, wash and wash their hands. They are complying pretty well. They don't want mom sick. Dane was gone all night so it was just the three of us for dinner and chillin'.
Today was a bit overcast, so I could be outside but this morning was chilly. Marley called it North Carolina in the spring weather. I did a big reorganizing project today and feel that I was pretty productive. I don't feel sick, my dry skin is a little better (coconut oil), my canker sore is gone and my hair is still falling out.. Oh, yeah, that wasn't a good thing... it is coming out more. Not huge chunks but several strands at a time. I can run my fingers through it and yikes, too much. I wanted to beat the odds with the hair loss, but guess not. I kind of want it to fall out so it can grow back. I know that isn't how it works though. I am looking forward to my future short hairdo's. Really I am.
I will be on lockdown all week, hopefully feeling good enough to continue projects. I won't be able to go to yoga, and I don't know if i should cancel my reiki session. I want to get back to the ACS to see if the gal there can get me some soft sided fillers before I lose my hair. I think if I don't have that and don't have hair, I may have a few dark, dark days. I just need one of those two to deal.... I was reading about how few women go out without prosthesis and how you should do little trips before going out in public, etc. I have been everywhere without anything.... I guess I am not ashamed of who I am, or don't give a hoot. I want something so I can have an option of clothing.. I am getting bored of my camis and hoodies.... I would like a few options. Something with a plunging neckline perhaps? NOT!
Keep your fingers and toes crossed this week for my wbc's to get going, no more side effects and that I can get round 2 of chemo on Friday and not have to push that back at all. That's what I want for this week. Not much. I will be half way done with the big guns...but I have a feeling the fun has only just begun.... Thanks to all my friends and neighbors who lifted my spirits this weekend by just being there and treating me like me, not the chemo chick. Long live Orangina! My drink of choice!
Well, I am still hanging in there. I am desperately hoping that my bone marrow is working overtime to make my wbc better. I have had all three shots, two done by Dr. Brad. I had some bone pain, mainly in my hip/pelvis bones. It would be sudden and intense and then go away. Not too bad after today's shot, about the same. Nothing I can't handle so far. Remember I am one tough cookie....
Yesterday I was pretty bored. Baseball and kid managing, but I couldn't go anywhere or do much. It was sunny so I hung out on the porch and did a little zentangling. I had a few visitors, both human and canine. I stayed outside the whole time to avoid any form of germy contact. I am on the kids like crazy to wash, wash and wash their hands. They are complying pretty well. They don't want mom sick. Dane was gone all night so it was just the three of us for dinner and chillin'.
Today was a bit overcast, so I could be outside but this morning was chilly. Marley called it North Carolina in the spring weather. I did a big reorganizing project today and feel that I was pretty productive. I don't feel sick, my dry skin is a little better (coconut oil), my canker sore is gone and my hair is still falling out.. Oh, yeah, that wasn't a good thing... it is coming out more. Not huge chunks but several strands at a time. I can run my fingers through it and yikes, too much. I wanted to beat the odds with the hair loss, but guess not. I kind of want it to fall out so it can grow back. I know that isn't how it works though. I am looking forward to my future short hairdo's. Really I am.
I will be on lockdown all week, hopefully feeling good enough to continue projects. I won't be able to go to yoga, and I don't know if i should cancel my reiki session. I want to get back to the ACS to see if the gal there can get me some soft sided fillers before I lose my hair. I think if I don't have that and don't have hair, I may have a few dark, dark days. I just need one of those two to deal.... I was reading about how few women go out without prosthesis and how you should do little trips before going out in public, etc. I have been everywhere without anything.... I guess I am not ashamed of who I am, or don't give a hoot. I want something so I can have an option of clothing.. I am getting bored of my camis and hoodies.... I would like a few options. Something with a plunging neckline perhaps? NOT!
Keep your fingers and toes crossed this week for my wbc's to get going, no more side effects and that I can get round 2 of chemo on Friday and not have to push that back at all. That's what I want for this week. Not much. I will be half way done with the big guns...but I have a feeling the fun has only just begun.... Thanks to all my friends and neighbors who lifted my spirits this weekend by just being there and treating me like me, not the chemo chick. Long live Orangina! My drink of choice!
Friday, April 26, 2013
Let's get the marrow workin', uh huh, uh huh!!!
Early blog for today.. Just got back from blood work and I am no where near a 5. In fact my wbc have dropped to a scary 1.1. Yeah, I know. Needless to say that I am a little upset. My rbc and hemoglobin are looking decent, and that is something I can help out. That is me eating iron rich food like my liver sausage. Now the wbc count, I can't help. This is where my immune system becomes seriously compromised. I need to stay away from stores, restaurants, crowds and kids. So, pretty much back to my shut in theory. There goes next week's yoga classes. My bone marrow needs to get working, if it doesn't improve by next Friday, I would have to hold out another week for chemo. That would really infuriate me. I have mapped all this out without glitches in the schedule. No way... get going bone marrow. I am not pushing anything off. Just think Mr. Marrow, "I think I can, I think I can..." and get working!!!
They gave me a shot. One of a series of three I need to have over the weekend. In fact, Brad has to give them to me. He doesn't have to, I have quite a few (sick) friends who would love the opportunity to give me a shot and play hobby doctor.... I think I will go with Brad. I wish I had a picture of Brad's face and giant eyes when she asked him if he could do it. The nurse taught him how to do it, it doesn't seem to difficult, he says he can hack it. Don't worry ladies, if Brad can't do it I will call you in..... but you have to wear a mad doctor costume, and have an evil laugh, or I won't let you near me. These shots are to boost the productivity of my wbc production. Guess the chemo is working since it is killing everything else too. My biggest risk right now is getting sick or an infection. That could land me in the hospital on antibiotics to combat the cooties I may have picked up because my own system can't hack it. I trust this old dog, these shots will get me into overdrive and I will show chemo who's boss.
Even before the appointment I was having a rough morning. I got a canker sore in my mouth last night and also saw a little black dot inside my cheek. Great. As I was showering I notice some body hair starting to shed, and then when I washed my hair some strands fell out. Great. I also noticed that I may be getting a girly issue that is uncomfortable. Great. My skin still hurts and I feel like it is so dry and crinkly I look like a worn out leather handbag (or biker). Great. Great. Great. All that before 9:00 a.m. Then the blood work. The nurse said my mouth looked okay, keep using baking soda and keep that clean. The hair, she said is just going to happen. My skin, keep moisturized and if the other issue continues, I need to go on something because that too is caused by chemo... people can get thrush in their mouths all the way to their bootys. Wouldn't that be pleasant. Each day is a new disastrous surprise. Guess I cant say I am bored with chemo, I don't know what to expect. Wouldn't this be awesome if it was all good things? Like you wake up and your'e 10 lbs. skinnier? Or you brush your hair and it is softer and fuller? Or you wake up and your wrinkles went away? I am upset because I really thought I would rock this out and be barely effected, I was feeling so good last weekend. I even had that slight inkling that I would keep my hair. I thought, I could do this with minimum side effects. Who was I kidding? So far I am getting a fabulous sampling of many of them.....What is behind door number 4???????
I am trying to stay positive. I have a good chance at having a miserable three days here. The shots have the potential for bone pain. I was told I could take Tylenol or Norco. Yikes, when they say that I need to be prepared. Dane's first game is tonight, not sure I will be able to go for a number of reasons. It is outside so germs would be less of a concern, but if I am going to have growing pains at 43, I may not want to sit there. I already cancelled having my brother and his family over for game and dinner. I need to stay away from kids...aka. germ factories!
I will update if there is anything new and exciting this afternoon. Let's hope for boring and uneventful....never thought those words would come out of my mouth. Times have changed...temporarily
They gave me a shot. One of a series of three I need to have over the weekend. In fact, Brad has to give them to me. He doesn't have to, I have quite a few (sick) friends who would love the opportunity to give me a shot and play hobby doctor.... I think I will go with Brad. I wish I had a picture of Brad's face and giant eyes when she asked him if he could do it. The nurse taught him how to do it, it doesn't seem to difficult, he says he can hack it. Don't worry ladies, if Brad can't do it I will call you in..... but you have to wear a mad doctor costume, and have an evil laugh, or I won't let you near me. These shots are to boost the productivity of my wbc production. Guess the chemo is working since it is killing everything else too. My biggest risk right now is getting sick or an infection. That could land me in the hospital on antibiotics to combat the cooties I may have picked up because my own system can't hack it. I trust this old dog, these shots will get me into overdrive and I will show chemo who's boss.
Even before the appointment I was having a rough morning. I got a canker sore in my mouth last night and also saw a little black dot inside my cheek. Great. As I was showering I notice some body hair starting to shed, and then when I washed my hair some strands fell out. Great. I also noticed that I may be getting a girly issue that is uncomfortable. Great. My skin still hurts and I feel like it is so dry and crinkly I look like a worn out leather handbag (or biker). Great. Great. Great. All that before 9:00 a.m. Then the blood work. The nurse said my mouth looked okay, keep using baking soda and keep that clean. The hair, she said is just going to happen. My skin, keep moisturized and if the other issue continues, I need to go on something because that too is caused by chemo... people can get thrush in their mouths all the way to their bootys. Wouldn't that be pleasant. Each day is a new disastrous surprise. Guess I cant say I am bored with chemo, I don't know what to expect. Wouldn't this be awesome if it was all good things? Like you wake up and your'e 10 lbs. skinnier? Or you brush your hair and it is softer and fuller? Or you wake up and your wrinkles went away? I am upset because I really thought I would rock this out and be barely effected, I was feeling so good last weekend. I even had that slight inkling that I would keep my hair. I thought, I could do this with minimum side effects. Who was I kidding? So far I am getting a fabulous sampling of many of them.....What is behind door number 4???????
I am trying to stay positive. I have a good chance at having a miserable three days here. The shots have the potential for bone pain. I was told I could take Tylenol or Norco. Yikes, when they say that I need to be prepared. Dane's first game is tonight, not sure I will be able to go for a number of reasons. It is outside so germs would be less of a concern, but if I am going to have growing pains at 43, I may not want to sit there. I already cancelled having my brother and his family over for game and dinner. I need to stay away from kids...aka. germ factories!
I will update if there is anything new and exciting this afternoon. Let's hope for boring and uneventful....never thought those words would come out of my mouth. Times have changed...temporarily
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Anyone for popcorn?
Okay, if anyone invites you to chair yoga and you are not 100 years old, skip it. I wanted to get out and do something so I signed up for this class. It said for people getting back into things and I was told I should do less strenuous yoga. Well, this was it. I got more exercise washing my hair and getting dressed this morning. I was also so much younger than all the other participants, I felt totally out of place. Oh well, it was something to do. After class I went to the front desk and said, "Yeah, you got anything a little more challenging than that?" They kind of laughed at me and told me about a Tues/Thurs. class in the morning. They knew I was out of place. I will try that other one next week. Either way, getting out made me happy, the sun made me happy. Stopped and got a smoothie...that is an expensive habit to have...but so you know..Jamba Juice has 3 smoothies on sale for like 2 bucks off each size until May 20th. So go now! (not a paid endorsement, but save your $$$)
My mind has settled today, no tears. I am less sad and just can't explain why yesterday was so gnarly. My biggest complaint right now is how my face feels like the cracked soil in a desert. It is so dry that it hurts. I am kinda peely around my mouth and my lips ache. I have loaded the lotion on and it barely makes a difference. I went to Fruitful Yield with Cheri and looked for some relief. I bought coconut oil. It is the same coconut oil I use to make popcorn, food grade. Just in a smaller jar. I figured a natural product, being only one ingredient would be my best choice. I have been slathering the stuff on my face for hours. A little relief, but need to repeat often. I gave Dane some for his face, too much, and he looked like his face was soaking wet, it was in his hair and everywhere. It was pretty funny. Marley's suggestion is to put popcorn on our faces and head in the oven. Nice kid.
We had a nice meal brought to us tonight, very appreciated Rachael! I had to help Dane make donut holes for his Biography Breakfast tomorrow. Why didn't I just buy them? Why do women think we can do it all? Because we can? Because we want to? Because it was the one thing I could control today... the donuts. Time to make the donuts....
Tomorrow is blood work. Hoping that my "scores" increase so I can go to Dane's first game tomorrow night. I am concerned about the wbc that is at 2.7. That can't get lower. So let's hope for a 5! I want to see those numbers increase! Anticipating a good day tomorrow even though my face hurts. Each time I say that, I think of that joke from when I was a kid. Someone asks you, "Hey, does your face hurt?" and you say "no", and then they reply, "Cuz it's killing me!" Hardy har har.... it is stupid, but such a vivid thing from being a kid.....
My mind has settled today, no tears. I am less sad and just can't explain why yesterday was so gnarly. My biggest complaint right now is how my face feels like the cracked soil in a desert. It is so dry that it hurts. I am kinda peely around my mouth and my lips ache. I have loaded the lotion on and it barely makes a difference. I went to Fruitful Yield with Cheri and looked for some relief. I bought coconut oil. It is the same coconut oil I use to make popcorn, food grade. Just in a smaller jar. I figured a natural product, being only one ingredient would be my best choice. I have been slathering the stuff on my face for hours. A little relief, but need to repeat often. I gave Dane some for his face, too much, and he looked like his face was soaking wet, it was in his hair and everywhere. It was pretty funny. Marley's suggestion is to put popcorn on our faces and head in the oven. Nice kid.
We had a nice meal brought to us tonight, very appreciated Rachael! I had to help Dane make donut holes for his Biography Breakfast tomorrow. Why didn't I just buy them? Why do women think we can do it all? Because we can? Because we want to? Because it was the one thing I could control today... the donuts. Time to make the donuts....
Tomorrow is blood work. Hoping that my "scores" increase so I can go to Dane's first game tomorrow night. I am concerned about the wbc that is at 2.7. That can't get lower. So let's hope for a 5! I want to see those numbers increase! Anticipating a good day tomorrow even though my face hurts. Each time I say that, I think of that joke from when I was a kid. Someone asks you, "Hey, does your face hurt?" and you say "no", and then they reply, "Cuz it's killing me!" Hardy har har.... it is stupid, but such a vivid thing from being a kid.....
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
The Blues....
Today was rough. I woke up feeling like I had some sleep and my cold is no worse. Yeah! Did the usual mom thing and tried to get Marley off to school. She was having a bad day. She said she didn't want to go to school. There are a couple of boys picking on her, she says. She also is bored out of her skull and finds it hard to go, she is also extra sensitive. She didn't want to go so bad she had tears. I let her stay home from the bus ride to give her an extra 30 minutes and I drove her. While I was dropping her off she had more tears, which makes it so heart wrenching. I dropped her off right in front of the principal. I talked with her a bit about a few concerns, and probably wasn't my best. I like her a lot and have known her, so I was a little more open about some school issues than I would have been with another person. That started my day. Then I came home and was just sad. I went through a whole hour at least with leaking eyeballs. I am so unhappy that I have had SO many changes to my life, in such a short time, with no control. I couldn't even control the tears. I was feeling really sad, mad and all that "why me" stuff. I watched a show yesterday where people have freaky habits, like eating couch cushions, eating comet, sniffing gas.... why aren't they the ones with cancer? Another lady was a mom of a girl who pulls out her hair, and her comment was, "If you don't have hair in this society, you are a misfit". I guess that shows her intellect, but either way it struck a chord. That misfit will be me soon enough. The changes were so swift and so major, I believe I am still in shock, and have been working on cruise control. I don't eat cleanser or dryer sheets, I live a good, clean life and this is what I get. Well, fuck that. I am sorry for the language but I am having a day and that is all I can think of at this moment.
Brad listened and tried to cheer me up and encourage me to get out of the house. Kristin asked me to go to lunch, but I knew I was going to be lousy company and a downer. Who wants to hang around that? I said no. I explained I was bummed, depressed and going for a walk by the river. Even though I said I didn't need company, she came with me. I am glad she did. We walked around the river walk and the crazy high dam, and then went for a treat at the new Limestone cafe. I needed to get out, and I am glad I did. We weren't out for long, an hour or so, but it helped. I don't know what to expect out of all this. But I know that I cannot be strong everyday, as hard as I try. I didn't wake up today planning on being sad. I also didn't think I would weep as much as I did, it just gets overwhelming. I liked who I was. I was happy and not looking for a major life change. I liked what my life represented and what I could accomplish and do. I feel like all of that is gone. I have my friends and family, but we can't do most of the stuff we usually would do. Bottom line that stinks.
I have an option of going to a mastectomy support group tonight and I am not sure I want to go. I have a few fears about it. 1. I am going to be the youngest person there and that will make me feel worse about my situation. 2. There will be a bunch of ladies with scarves and splotchy hair (which makes me sad). 3. People are going to talk about "survival rates", can't deal with that. 4. Stories, I don't want to hear everybody's sad story, misery doesn't love company. 5. All the mastectomy ladies will have already had reconstruction. 6. It will make it all worse.
Okay, it doesn't matter, I didn't go. It is okay because I am not sure I had a reason to go. I am not sure why I thought I needed it. I looked at my reasons NOT to go and they outweighed my reasons to go. Now I am just home having a typical evening where everyone is doing their own thing and ignoring me. Life goes on....
Brad listened and tried to cheer me up and encourage me to get out of the house. Kristin asked me to go to lunch, but I knew I was going to be lousy company and a downer. Who wants to hang around that? I said no. I explained I was bummed, depressed and going for a walk by the river. Even though I said I didn't need company, she came with me. I am glad she did. We walked around the river walk and the crazy high dam, and then went for a treat at the new Limestone cafe. I needed to get out, and I am glad I did. We weren't out for long, an hour or so, but it helped. I don't know what to expect out of all this. But I know that I cannot be strong everyday, as hard as I try. I didn't wake up today planning on being sad. I also didn't think I would weep as much as I did, it just gets overwhelming. I liked who I was. I was happy and not looking for a major life change. I liked what my life represented and what I could accomplish and do. I feel like all of that is gone. I have my friends and family, but we can't do most of the stuff we usually would do. Bottom line that stinks.
I have an option of going to a mastectomy support group tonight and I am not sure I want to go. I have a few fears about it. 1. I am going to be the youngest person there and that will make me feel worse about my situation. 2. There will be a bunch of ladies with scarves and splotchy hair (which makes me sad). 3. People are going to talk about "survival rates", can't deal with that. 4. Stories, I don't want to hear everybody's sad story, misery doesn't love company. 5. All the mastectomy ladies will have already had reconstruction. 6. It will make it all worse.
Okay, it doesn't matter, I didn't go. It is okay because I am not sure I had a reason to go. I am not sure why I thought I needed it. I looked at my reasons NOT to go and they outweighed my reasons to go. Now I am just home having a typical evening where everyone is doing their own thing and ignoring me. Life goes on....
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