I am so glad we went to the cabin this weekend with the kids. It gave me time to relax a bit, step away from my phone, (many of you know my fingers have been on fire texting) and have some quality time with just the four of us.
We booked straight through on Friday because our fave pizza joint was packed and nobody was hungry. We stopped in Madison earlier at our fave cheese and fruit grocer and got some yummies and had those for dinner instead. Cabin was cold, we all snuggled in the bed to warm up. I liked that very much.
In the morning I had to do it. I had to get the information to the kids and move on with this day. I called them in and told them I had to tell them some important information. It was like wrangling two puppies, but finally they stopped to listen. What and how I told the kids may not be how you may have chosen to tell your kids, but it is what we decided would be best for them. I told them that when I recently had my operation, the doctor's didn't like what they saw inside. They want to do more surgery to take out anything that could be bad. When the doctors are done, they are going to fix me up and I would be in the hospital for 3-5 days. Then we told them about their responsibilities at home, how things will be a little weird at home and that friends will be around helping. We chose not to talk about treatment, since we don't know yet, we will cross that bridge when we get there. We also decided not to use technical terms, or the C word. They don't need that, and we are basing our decision because we know our kids. What they need to know is where mom will be, what they need to do to help mom get better quicker and that I love them and we will all be okay. There have been a lot of hugs from Dane, he said that he is getting them in now because he knows he can't do them in the hospital. He is an absolute sweetheart. Marley is asking some questions, told me I could take Teddy to the hospital if I wanted and that she may stay overnight with me if the room isn't "gross and creepy". We made best friend bracelets to wear. She also doesn't know how she will survive for 3-5 days, "with those two". We snuggled some more and answered anything they asked. They did not ask anything I had to soften or lie about.
The rest of the day was amazing really. My work friends sent a tub of surprise goodies and we dug into games, movies, treats, projects, beer, wine and a big airplane that Dane played with for hours. What a treat! Thank all of you! Brad and I particularly liked the beer. We were outside almost all day. We spray painted a target on the ice and we made a new game with the kids, we had a fire and sat there and had beers and swigs of whiskey to my "health". I was never coming home. I wanted to stay in my little cabin and pretend all the bad was only in Batavia, not here. I really wanted to stay and ignore reality. We played games, at dinner, watched a movie and the kids and Brad crashed. Not me. Even at 2 a.m. when I took a sleeping pill it didn't work. Reality snuck in and ruined my sleep. Poop.
Today we hiked around, packed up and ended up getting the pizza we missed on Friday. I am tired, but very happy we went. I am getting very nervous. I was in the shower and realized that I only have three more nights with my natural body. That I was going to be damaged goods real soon. It is very freaky, scary and could potentially be depressing. I have two days. I have a lot of little things to do, I have a lot of mental prep to do, plus the last plastics meeting Tuesday morning. Tomorrow night is the "lift off" gathering... It is slightly twisted and I am sure there will be booby cupcakes and what not. I think it is better to hit this head on than not. I wonder though if I am not taking it serious because I joke. Of course I am, I had and have big decisions to make and I am not in denial, this is real. I am assuming this is my defense mechanism. Man am I weird.
I almost reached my follower identification goal...6-11... not bad. Love you all, going to bed. Thanks for your good karma, prayers and whatnot to make it all go smoothly with my kids and for us to have a truly happy weekend.
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