Just Another Manic Monday....

I wish the weather would perk up.  I am not a fan of dreary days while feeling like a helpless lump.  This morning we decided that is was probably best to go to have the nurse change my bandages.  I knew I wasn't ready and I just needed it to be done right. I think I will be able to do it once the drains are out.  I kind of don't want to see what I look like with those Coma tubes hooked up to me...I have seen too many movies and have an active imagination.

Deb took me for the bandage change out.  The nurse who has been through this with me from the start was there to do it.  She talked to me the whole time, giving me support and telling me how good everything looked.  There was a moment when I was unbandaged and she left the room, I sneaked a peak.  I just looked down.  I saw flatness and some scarring.  I didn't look long.  I wasn't in shock.  It wasn't a full frontal image.  It was kind of what I expected.  The weird part is that I felt so empty.  I felt so light.  That was strange feeling, plus what I have left is all numb.  I got a little woozy, I think the drugs I took right before kicked in, needed water.  No early drain removal, Wednesday.

Attempted nap.  Didn't work. :(  Did some zentangle drawings. Had a few visitors, Stephanie bearing a smoothie and Cheri returning Marley from a shrinky dink play date. It is great to see people, and ease into my new body.  I am so lucky that I am not freaking out and hiding. I think someone without the support could easily get into a really bad funk with this situation.  This is some heavy shit and either my drugs are good, or I really am as strong as all you say I am.   Jane brought by the cutest mail order gift, it is called a Spoonful of Comfort.  It is a big homemade jar of fresh chicken noodle soup, yummy rolls and cookies, a ladle and tea.  It is a warm hug in a box.  Some of the proceeds from the purchase of these care packages go to the American Cancer Society. So when you think of a loved one across the country, think of chicken soup delivered to their door. It was a wonderful dinner, warmed my heart and nourished my belly. Big Hug!

The day was uneventful, so that is good I guess.  The weather sucked and my situation still sucks.  I am sad that I am not in Quebec City and sitting around my house all mangled and gross.  I have mini pity parties during the day, but then I suck it up because what is the point of feeling sorry for myself.