Monday Blues

Monday, March 11-2013

What a day.  Holy Hell.  At one point of the day I felt like I was on a roller coaster in the winter, at night, with ice pellets beating my face and looking like warp speed in Star Wars, and I couldn't make it stop.

It is true.  I have that thing, that ugly word I am avoiding saying.  It is the kind that is hard to detect, and acts like a crabgrass and doesn't cause lumps.  No wonder it is hard to find, nobody knows it is there.  I was lucky, damn lucky, that the radiologist had a week's worth of restless nights and reread that MRI.  If he didn't, this would have continued to grow and nobody would have known any better.  I got his name, I will thank him personally.

So as it stands I have limited options. Option one is a lumpectomy.  Dr. would go back in and take more of the breast and hope that she got it all.  Without a lump, we would only know by future mammos or mri's and I would always have that chance of it not all getting removed.  With this option I would get radiation and chemotherapy.  Fun times.  By the time she was done over and over, I would have a sorry excuse for a boob and always have to be monitored.

Option two: Removal. Cannot use the M word yet either.  If the invader is isolated, which they are testing now, then the removal will allow me to not have to get mammos or anything ever.  I would get a double and reconstructive surgery.  Dr. said that this crabgrass type tends to jump to the other side, so why go through this twice.  If it is isolated, no radiation.  Yes, chemo is not an option. I will have to do that and that is going to suck.  I will lose my hair and I don't like that idea.  It is just hair, it will grow back, I just have to check my vanity at the door.

It has been a busy day and night with GS and band concert, it is now 9:25 and I am busted.  I am mentally drained and so tired.  I am not sleeping well, go figure.  I am about to send this out to a few family members and friends.  I know most of you won't know what to respond, but if you comment, just say Hi so I know you are there.  No worries if you don't have the right words, who does? Hallmark? Nah.  I just want to know someone is hearing my screams.

Final thought.  My work world is covered.  I have good people that are watching my back and making this leaving work in the middle of the year go as smoothly as possible.  Nothing is ideal, but I feel very lucky to have caring coworkers and principal.