Thursday...

I am not fond of surprises and I guess I need to start accepting them.  Today was my CT scan and I didn't know I had to drink a 32oz. big gulp of poison and then sit there for an hour.  After over an hour they come get me and stick another IV in my arm and pump me with more die that makes you feel like you peed in your pants. The CT scan wasn't long, but another test. As soon as I was finished, I got in the car with Brad and I cried.  I am sick of being poked and poisoned, and I have only just begun.  Hit a low again.  Tomorrow I go to the oncologist to find out results of pathology and the game plan for my treatment. I would say that I am almost more scared of this appointment than finding out I had something in the first place.  Another day and more information.  I just want my normal life back.

I still hurt from the drains being removed, but am trying not to take any pain killers.  I tried last night to sleep on the Norco, but was up all night.  I couldn't get comfortable and my mind kept wandering. I was telling my sister in law Sheri, that all night I kept thinking of my mom and the radiologist that reread my MRI that found this crap and somehow believe they are connected.  I feel like my mom was the one that wouldn't let the man sleep and kept bothering him to reread my films.  I don't know, maybe I am off my rocker, but who knows.  I would like to think my mom is looking out for me. I need a guardian angel.

My kids are not home, they went home with my brother and Sheri for a sleepover.  Brad went to shoot and I finally turned on the tv.  I turned on Spaced, which is one of the best shows ever, old, but good.  I love Simon Pegg.  I am afraid to go to bed because I want to sleep, I know that doesn't make sense, but I don't want to lie there and not sleep.  I already did the insomnia thing, don't need to revisit.  If I don't sleep my mind travels down some serious detrimental pathways.  I would rather dream of rainbows and unicorns, but I am not sure that can happen without some narcotics involved.

I enjoyed the sun today, but it was robbed by the CT.  I am hoping it is sunny tomorrow. I talked with some neighbors and Marty brought us dinner, I love my neighborhood!  If you read this before 11:30 a.m., send some good wishes, vibes, prayers or whatever my way that I get good results and that my treatment and everything is as minimal as can be.  I don't want any more surprises.