Hmpff!

I went for my fill today and before she started I asked her about the redness on my left side. She felt it for heat and it wasn't warm but she didn't want to fill until the doctor saw it. Good thing he was there, he's often not.  He looked at it and asked me how I felt, if I had a fever or chills-and I said no, I had not. He told me that he would like me to go on an antinbiotics just in case I had an infection going on in there.  He also suggested I get bloodwork for him to check white blood cell count. I told him I was going Friday and that I could get him that information then. I still got a 60cc fill. I left there kind of nervous and paranoid. I didn't need this extra paranoia with Friday just around the corner.  

So now I'm feeling every ache and pain and worrying about them more than normal. I'm also starting to not feel good in the stomach, and my back is killing me. I'm kind of a wreck. I'm not wringing my hands or crying, I'm just kind of pissed that I have to go down this scary highway again. I really thought that the spacers and reconstruction was going to be uneventful. Maybe it still will be and he is just being precautionary.  Hopefully on Friday all my counts will be great, we can look at that ct scan results again and I can move forward and learn to live with my issues. 

It's really amazing how much pain a person can endure and still attempt to lead a normal life. I just tried to stretch my sore neck and pulled my chest muscle just a tad and the pain was intense enough to snatch my breath away for a moment.  Everything is affected by the chest muscles. Deep breathing hurts. Whoa is me....This is a long haul. Physically and emotionally draining. I knew I was going to have a hard time with this upcoming appointment, at least in between I had some good times.  

I think some of my paranoia comes from it being a year, I'm almost at the end of all the tough stuff, I was feeling better and resuming more normal activities, I have a trip planned that I want to go on, and the need to get back to normal-I want nothing to stop any of that. Nothing. 

Sleeping will be a challenge but then again everything seems to be lately!