Need Sleep

It's too dark in the morning and I cannot sleep lately. My Zquil had become ineffective and the painkiller I took for sleep helped with my comfort level but did nothing for knocking me out. I'm thinking that I may be having some internal struggle with this Friday's upcoming doctor visit. It's been 9 weeks since I've seen the oncologist and had blood work done. I am pretty sure I'm okay but it's going to take a long time before I can build that confidence on a regular basis.  I know I'm nervous and always have that, "wouldn't be surprised" thought in the back of my head. But I've done, and am doing it all, it's my time to be done and on the other side of cured. Maybe I'm just nervous about going back to my normal life. Maybe I'm scared to think all is good in the world and then another shoe drops and takes me off guard. If I'm always nervous and "not surprised" maybe I'm bracing for the worst? Who knows my logic, nobody. Brad doesn't understand that,  but I bet people in similar situations may be able to empathize. Or maybe I'm just crazy. That's a valid conclusion too. 

After I get the all good on Friday I'm going to be one happy camper. I don't know how long in between visits, but I know it gets further and further each time. Someday I'll see her once a year, that will be cool. And then maybe never again-even cooler.