75%

Status Report: 75% and holding.... (insert sci-fi beeping)

There it is, me on the mend.  Thank goodness my onc doc knows what she is talking about. She said about 72 hours it would be the worst, then get better.  If she is right about that, then she has to be right about everything else.  I started the day by being, "mom".  Pretty sure Brad slept in and ignored our pleas to get up and help.  I am pretty sure he turned this deaf ear on purpose.  In fact, I know he did.  He could tell that I wasn't sick in the morning because I was already goofing with the kids. He used this as a way to get me up and downstairs and back to a normal routine. Damn him.  I had chemo and got ONE school day to sleep in.... he is a master at this sleeping in thing, a master. I concede.  After the kiddos were off to school Renee came over and we watched Hoarders, which is always a pick me up show.  It makes you feel so good about the pile of papers in your kitchen or the unfolded laundry. At least you know you don't have to step over 3 dead cats and two years worth of plastic soda bottles to get there.  We also each worked on an individual craft project.  Then we took a walk to Panera for a smoothie.  You know, I am going to write Panera a letter.  They have these cool, big, UNWRAPPED straws they put in your smoothie.  They are right in the area where the worker's arms and aprons rub against them all day. Sure they use the little bagel papers to pick them up, but they have already been sneezed on or what not all day, and night.  Management said that was their set up and they don't offer them wrapped.  We declined the cool straws and went for the sanitary, individually wrapped kind.  I have new eyes for germs....

The afternoon was quiet.  Rested a bit, looked at some sites for bc stuff.  Quit.  I still will not search the web for diagnosis or other stuff related.  Just too much on there. Too many dark paths.  I was more interested in what the hell happened in Boston.  Senseless acts of cowardice.  My heart goes out to all those involved and thankful to all those who helped selflessly.  It goes to show you, your life changes in a heartbeat.

I had enough appetite for dinner, thanks Heidi for the pasta salad.  Unfortunately, I sit here now with a bit of a queasy tummy.  I am hoping it is just an end of a long day and not the nausea coming back.  Fingers crossed.

Tomorrow I go to look at wigs. We stopped there on our walk earlier and she showed me the area with the wigs. It wasn't as bad as I thought.  I am starting to dread the hair loss. I am starting to freak a bit within.  I expressed that to Brad and broke down, only a few tears, about really losing my identity as a woman.  Without hair, eyebrows, eyelashes or boobs, I am going to look like...well, an alien.  I have decided I will look like an alien.  I do not think I can ever let Brad or the kids see me like that.  I have to start locking (or get) a door!  What if I scare myself? Not like, Oooooh, scary.  But like, depress scary.  What if this is the thing that throws a wrench in my strength?  I know, hair and boobs don't make a woman... Physically, yeah it does...let's be honest... is there anything else in our society that depicts a more womanly feature than her body shape and her hair? Nope.  Everything else covered up is pretty much androgynous.  Oh, have mercy on me.... starting to get the willies.......  Breathe....Breathe.....