Today was a crazy busy day like I would have had anyway. I went to work for a few hours to do some planning with my student teacher. We knocked out quite a bit and will focus on specific lessons for the first few weeks during some given plan time on Monday and Tuesday. I cannot go in tomorrow due to timing of chemo, it's a long one with doc appointment and Herceptin. Karen is my chemo buddy, she will tag team with Brad who always goes to the doctor with me. Yippie. It is however, number 7, which means 5 more to go...that seems so much more manageable. I am ready for it to be over. I am ready to get my energy back, grow more hair and regain some self esteem.
I am nervous about going tomorrow because of the pain in my neck. I have repeatedly and nervously felt my neck for swollen glands and any sign of something bad. Nothing there. The pain actually moves around and is shooting or dull and comes in a variety of aches, leading me to believe I have pinched a nerve or pulled muscle. All aches and pains make me nervous. I just want to be okay. I have heard this is normal, to be paranoid that is. How can you not be? When does that end? Does it? Will I live in fear?
After school time, I needed to tend the kids a bit. Dane needed a hair cut and to visit his school to unload supplies at his locker. I felt bad that I have been gone or working so I took them for ice cream. I know this summer was less than exiting, but I tried to give them more freedom and set things up for them. I feel guilty about it, I know that is stupid, but at least I am man enough to admit it. After that, we had to stop and get a gift card for a sleep over party Marley is now at.... Dane had to go with Brad to baseball- the day was non stop. I dropped Marley off at her sleepover and then stopped at a "Pop up" art show. The art show was better than expected and I bought some aromatherapy products to help anxiety and to promote sleep...Sold. A bonus was that I saw a former student of mine and his wife. I went to his wedding 5 years ago tomorrow. I taught him for two years in 4th and 5th and then I had each of his four brothers! I was pretty close to the family and love running into them. That was a nice treat for me to see him.
Home now dealing with the weird pain in my neck, trying not to think the worst. It is only 7 p.m. so I have to keep myself up and entertained until about 10-so I can start getting into a routine for school. That may end up being too late, but my old life I went to bed around 10:30 and have been trying 10 all summer. I can always adjust and go earlier if school just wipes me out, or radiation...or the combo of both.
Since the Reeling for Healing outing, two of the women I met have emailed me. I love it! I have emailed them back and hope to keep in touch. I always wanted pen pals as a kid, now I get them as an adult. Delayed gratification. If they are reading this, Hi Bonnie, Hi Michelle! Oh, and I need to say, that going on a trip with a pen pal who you have really never spent time with...is a great experience! Katie and I were never a loss for words. I felt bad because I was dragging so much and didn't even help drive. We got along fabulously and enjoyed each other's company...at least on my end. :) She was super patient with my random weeping-that would have been enough to scare anyone away. Taking risks can turn out good, letting new people in your life-good. Trying new things-exciting, Staying positive-great.... I am working on that now....
I have no idea what to do for the next 3 hours. I am too tired to do housework, I don't watch t.v., not sure I have a creative flow....yikes! That is too much downtime for my brain to go screwy and make me think bad thoughts. I best get busy doing something.
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