Could it Get More Depressing?

Well, I had a pretty depressing experience this afternoon. I had an appointment all the way over by Fox Valley mall to be fitted for a good prosthesis.  I had gone all summer with the freebies from the ACS and have been fine, but I am entitled to a better product.  I have had to finagle some insurance information and they told me where I had to go.  I would have liked to have gone somewhere closer and more intimate, but not an option.

It took me over an hour to get there and I was late of course.  After finding the place in an ugly office/strip mall I headed in to the drab no frills, ugly place.  I checked in and was rather disappointed that this environment is where I had to be to deal with something very personal and intimate.  The fitter brought me back to a no frills room with clear tubs of bras and old boxes of boobs. Yep, you guessed it. I lost it.  WTF?  More insult to injury.  I apologized for being upset, but told her that this is quite depressing. She explained that all the boutiques for women are gone or closing because of insurance and Medicaid's requirements. So this is what was left for me.  She measured me and gave me a few of the ugliest, granny bras to try on.  Oh, man.  This was only getting better.  She could see that this wasn't going well. She pulled out some catalogues and let me pick some things. Who knows if any of them will fit comfortably, because they have to order everything.  I left there with nothing. Except a big, dark cloud over my head.  Did you know that Victoria's Secret will not make a mastectomy line of bras?  I guess they only serve you while you're in tact, then you're no good to them. One of their excuses was that fitting for a prosthesis is an exact science.... Let me tell you...there wasn't any science going on today.... Bottom line- there isn't the care needed for us women who would like to feel somewhat decent about ourselves despite all our major changes. Who is at fault for this?  Government?  Insurance?  

By the time I got home I was wiped. Non stop.  I will have to go back there when they get my stuff, and I don't want to drive all the way there after school.  Too far.  I know that Nordstrom has a fitter, but they also don't deal with insurance, and that is fine for buying a 60 dollar bra, but when each prosthesis is over 300 bucks, you want to use your insurance. I guess that is where they get you,  between a rock and a bra place...

I'm drained.  That experience didn't help.  It doesn't help that nobody understands that each new ache and pain I get scares the crap out of me.  I don't want to share that stuff anymore because it makes me sound like I am always looking for something to be wrong I also don't want to be a complainer. My new answer for everything is fine. I am fine. The truth is I want it all to be great! I want to feel awesome and right. But damnit,   I am on week 20 of chemo, and not many people know what that feels like.  It is not easy. It sucks, and it is scary.  I know, the light at the end of the tunnel, almost done....Sometimes the last steps of anything are the hardest....

I am going to end this day soon, and call it a night and hope that tomorrow brings less things for me to worry about and move on. I have nothing more to say that isn't a disturbing rant.  I hope few people read this today. Blah.