Crazy Train

I am starting my post early because I am bored. I am tired of cleaning and it is too hot to do anything. I have done laundry, washed my floors, dishes and other unfun things. This weekend has been kind of boring. I think the problem is that now that I am back to work, I am thinking like I am old Donnanne-not still the gal in treatment.  All of these things make for a confusing head.  I suffer from identity crisis already, now I don't know what kind of new Donnanne I can handle. Wow, that barely makes sense. My energy level was fine this morning and at 2 p.m.  I hit the wall. I sat down for twenty and then washed my floors.  I have no other way to get through it.  I feel like I deserve to start having fun on weekends. Whereas before I didn't really have a designated weekend, everyday was the same. Most not fun. Problem is that there isn't a lot I still can do.  Kind of in a weird place.  Just like my hair. It is coming in and I love not covering my head around my house and having a wee bit of confidence, but it isn't quite there for public.  I am kind of back to normal routine, but not 100% energetic or social.  Man, my life is confusing me!  Not sure how far to push myself.

I have to take one day at a time and the concept is very, very difficult for me. I am the planner and doer, taking each day as it comes is not the norm. 

It has been few hours since I wrote the first part and in that time I made dinner and yelled at my family.  I yelled because it seems that everyone is forgetting that I am still not 100%.  That I need help.  I may look and act more like me, but I am exhausted and am trying to hide it and move on.  I shouldn't have yelled. I should have gone and sat on the couch and rested. But if I do that it makes me feel like I am lazy.  I don't ever think this treatment patient bullshit will ever sink in...and in some regards I am glad it won't.  I will continue to plow through my treatments and man, do I want to be on the other side....I cannot wait until the energy comes rushing back to me... can't wait.

I am pretty sure this is one of the craziest rants I have ever spewed out. I will reread it but probably won't change a word. It is what is going on in my head...what a mess eh?  I am not crazy, these are just crazy times.  I am on the crazy train....all aboard!! ahahahhahahahha

Going to get kids ready for bed.  I will get ready for work so it is easier for me in the morning. After school I have to drive all the way out near the Fox Valley mall to a place for prosthesis.  That should be a blast.  Another new experience.