Trying to Stay Calm

Tomorrow marks my return to work.  So far I am doing alright but feel very guilty for not giving my kids that exciting of a summer. It's not like I had the time of my life either. The kids are off tomorrow while I am at a meeting all day, so their real last day is spent without me.  Marley has plans already and Dane will be wiped out from his fun Wisconsin weekend.  Me-I will be mustering as much energy and confidence as possible to get through the day.  I am not a wreck at the moment, but I can't say that tomorrow I won't derail.  Breathe.  I keep telling myself over and over, if I have made it this far, I can do anything....

My last day of "summer" was pretty uneventful, actually very uneventful. I had my last lingering coffee outside and baked cookies for school lunches. Mars had friends over all day and they washed cars and played.  I supervised.  Then when she was done she wanted my attention.  I originally wanted to take her mini golfing but her friends were too much fun.  So by the time they were done, so was I.  I was starting to lose it a bit, getting tired and anxious and not wanting to fake having a good time golfing.  We decided to try the last half hour of swimming at the quarry.  We got there and left in 10 minutes. The water was ice cold and she didn't want to stay.  We came home and decided to try go karts.  We went to Funway and did bumper boats and go karts.  The go karts jolted me around where it felt like my port was going to jiggle out of my chest. Probably not the best idea I've had in a while. The bumper boats were fun, but it went all so quickly.  Summer went by fast too. It wasn't even remotely a summer for me in many ways. This was the first summer of my life I did not swim at all, even as a baby I was always in the water.  I miss swimming. I miss summer break. I miss everything.

Brad has been golfing all day, Dane is gone and I just made Marley dinner. I need to make myself something and figure out how to stay calm and be okay for this week.  I have to remember I will come home to my kids each day, and that will bring me happiness.  It will be okay....I hope...right?  Oh, boy...this better not be a longer than normally long sleepless night.... Keep Calm and Carry On....