Better

I could not drag myself out of bed this morning. It was a weird tired.  It was that overtired feeling where you knew you could fall back asleep and just needed to.  It wasn't a wiped out feeling like I thought it would be, but then again I may have just need some catch up on sleep.  I stayed in and out these fits of sleep until 11 a.m.! They were the kind when you fell asleep, your mouth went slack and dried up.  The  out like a light kind of zonked. What a bum I was.  I was kind of mad at myself for feeling like that, but if I can fall back asleep, I need to take that opportunity and snooze.  Once I got over my bum guilt, I showered and dressed for my Look Good Feel Good class.  Kristin picked me up and we headed to Rush-Copley. Nobody knew where the class was, so we toured the hospital.  We were in the basement and everywhere, Kristin snuck in to do a few minor procedures with the scrubs we found in the laundry room.  Hobby Doctor Kristin is off to a good start. :) Class was good, I got a lot of nice makeup, free from donations to the American Cancer Society.  I like my Dior mascara the best, it smells nice. Pretty. Fancy. Free.

After class I had to drive to get Dane. This was the only time I attempted to drive more than two blocks away. My car is heavy, man.  I could feel it in my incisions inside and out. Every turn I used my right arm more, it was rather awkward. Dane needed to get to baseball after play practice, and Brad was already coaching. It had to be done. My chest constantly constricts and it's so tight, I am ready to be done with this. I would like to take yoga classes and get some movement into this old dog before she gets all stiff and crunchy permanently.

This afternoon lifted my spirits, except for when the lady in my class asked me about my diagnosis. I really didn't know how to react.  She told me she was stage 1, and my response to her was, "lucky".  I was jealous. It was the first time I was jealous of someone elses cancer diagnosis. Makes mine so much worse, (which I know it is) but so far away from 1.  Good for her, I guess.  Hard to be happy for a stranger at that moment.  I don't want anyone to get it, but least of all me.  Too late.  I just keep my thoughts on how it was contained, and curable.

Tomorrow I am hoping for a more normal day. I hit the 72 hour mark, and should be back on track. I don't know what I am doing, but I am hoping to do something!   Fingers Crossed.