Maybe

Rain, rain go away!!! I am done with the rain! I am done with the dreary skies and muddy dog paws!  I need the sun, even if I cannot go in it. :(  This dreariness is depressing!  I am also having a very difficult time sleeping lately which doesn't help.  This is nothing new, but it seems like I should be able to fall asleep.  Lately it is taking me 3-4 hours, and 3 trips to the bathroom before I can attempt to settle in.  That alone should be exhausting! My mind and body have learned to adapt to little sleep being an insomniac and all, but I know I NEED my sleep so my body can have some down time to work on rebuilding the good stuff that got zapped by chemo. I will bring this up next visit.

Anyway, the cold that started was still there in the morning, runny eyes, stuff head and sore throat.  Great. Mini panic. I emailed my oncologist and asked for advice.   I love that you can email your doctor and they get back to you in record speed.  I had a response in under 10 minutes... Good luck trying to play phone tag otherwise. They said I could take an over the counter drug for managing symptoms.  Well, you know me, I am not going to take any more drugs than needed, so I am toughing it out.  I rested, drank liquids all day and actually, this evening I feel better.  The cold isn't gone, it just isn't as yucky as this morning or as bad as I thought it was going to be. Hallelujah!  I rarely get colds on a regular basis, my body is strong and healthy and fights them fast...17 years in a classroom will do that... I am hoping this old dog will fight the cold and call it a day. As for my face, it isn't itchy today, but I was left with a few pimples I didn't have yesterday.  Loving chemo!

I have to say I feel guilty for leaving the house at all this weekend.  I feel like if I become a shut-in I will avoid all colds and germs.  Did I do this to myself because I went to Target?  Can I be home bound for the next few months?  OMG! Anyone who knows me, knows that is a nightmare in itself!  I guess it hasn't been that bad because I have been healing from surgery or not feeling well.  I guess maybe I can do it, but that would kind of suck too.  I don't know what to do. I am not going anywhere in a mask looking like a SARS person.  I can stay home, right?  That's the only way to avoid the germs!  That is seriously hard to swallow, being the social being that I am.  However, many things that I thought I was are now changed, why not change that too? Maybe I am just depressed today, rain, cold, fear that I exposed myself to sickness. Fear that so much of me has changed or is changing.  I felt so good a few days ago!  Such promising hope!  There is always tomorrow.  Maybe some sun. Maybe no cold.  Maybe some motivation again. Maybe, just maybe I will have a better day.