Really?

Today was a pretty normal Sunday, a lot of family time and working around the yard and deck. Had a nice dinner with our neighbor and just hung out.

I am still dealing with annoying issues that I hope heal soon, before Friday. The count is on. 4 days until my last AC.  Brad thinks I should be excited to get it over, but I dread going so it is a little difficult. Huge milestone. Hoping and praying that it worked, and the next stuff works also.  I keep the hope and strength, so medicine better be doing its job.

 Here is something that really bothers me.  In the last two days, two women who just found about me asked me what stage are you?  Each time I was shocked and stupidly replied. Doesn't this seem like a super personal question?  Have we become so numb and desensitized to cancer that anyone can openly ask about diagnosis? One time was in front of Dane and several other children, I wish I would have replied, "I don't talk about this in front of my kids" or " It doesn't matter".  I believe neither of the women were being malicious, I know that.  They were curious.  I get that. What they don't understand is, asking that question is horrible. It dredges up a lot of the emotions I work hard daily overcoming. What are they expecting for an answer? What does it matter?  Would you congratulate me if it was a lower number or give me the pity look if higher?  Do you know what each stage means?  Do you know how it is staged? I would bet not, or you wouldn't ask it.  And...it upsets people. It upset me a lot.  Both times.  I have a positive attitude and a great outlook, but if I have to explain the yucky details, it is depressing. I am not mad at these women, but I definitely know that they have little experience with anyone who has had cancer. Or too much in the case they are numb.  If it happens again, which it will because things happen in threes,  I will have to tell that person I don't discuss that openly, in front of children or at all.  I know people mean well, but this is some hard emotional stuff I have to deal with, so please tread lightly.

I am hoping to do a few things that I find fun this week. I would like to do something for me. Take a ride, go shopping (for what I don't know),  take a nice nature walk, I don't know.  The fourth AC may be the doozy where it wipes out my eyelashes and eyebrows. In that case, I won't be leaving my house very often unless I have those Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen bug sunglasses that cover my face, or a burka.  I guess I am down right now.  My stomach hurts, my positive attitude is dented, my skin is dry and my head is itchy. Geez I have a lot to complain about. Overall though I am doing well. And how are you?