Fudge

So I finally make it home and it's 8:30pm.- it's been a long day. I went to PT which is fine, then to the GI, then picked up Marley and headed to Dane's game-where they lost.  Cereal for dinner, yippie.

I was feeling good. I was feeling positive and happy with my date for the switch.  My expanders have been a little less intensely painful, all was going in the right direction.  Until I go see the GI.  Nice doctor.  Told him my story, was very understanding and kept telling me to, "hang in there kid".  He said that he would be a moron and a bad doctor if he didn't scope me.  He looked at my CT and said that he saw nothing in the report. He said if there was anything significant in the colon it would have come up on the CT.  However, with my history, he said a scope will "ease my mind."  I told him I cannot hear those words because that's not how it worked out for me last time.  He apologized.  He then said while were at it he may as well check out my stomach through an endoscopy.  Fudgety, fudge, fudge.

Yes- I was breaking down-why wouldn't I?  Another doctor telling me that I am going to get a tube rammed down my throat and another up my &$@!  Fun times!! Yeah me!!! I get to drink crap that will give me massive diarrhea the night before!  I will be a slave to the toilet-and miss a softball and a baseball game.  Oh, and I can't even eat that day.  The next morning, I have to get up at 5:00 a.m.-and repeat the process.  Then at 11:15a.m.-empty as all get out-I go for the double scope. Do you think they'll do them at the same time and the ends will meet in the middle???? Wtf?  I'm upset. I'm scared. I don't want to do it. I just don't. I know that it's the right thing to do because what if there is something else? I don't know. If this turns out bad, I'm just plain old screwed.  Right now I'm just full of raw feelings and they aren't happy ones. This sucks.

However, I have to stay positive and hope that it is nothing more than some kind of ITBS or something.  Maybe it's nothing at all. At least by the end of this test I will have been thouroughly scoped and scanned. It doesn't even hurt right now.  Phantom pains? Stress induced?  I hope so.  I hope they find nothing at all, and that all looks pretty in there.  Until then I'm going to attempt to stay sane.