Eve of 12

Here I sit on the eve of my last chemo, kind of hard to believe. After tomorrow, I should (hopefully) never, ever, need chemotherapy again. Never. Please let that be true.  I am home with Marley, she had practice and the boys are still at a game and it is 8:45 p.m.  I decided not to go because I was extra beat after work today.  We went on a field trip outside for the afternoon, and it was hot and ridiculously humid.  We had to walk to the furthest area and I was just beat by the time we were done. I had considered not going, but then I told myself I could do it. I did.  But I couldn't do a game after her practice too, something had to give.

While on the trip I talked to a parent who is a bc survivor of four years.  Her and I had a good talk and she kind of has the same attitude as I do. Get it over with, and move on.  She looked great and said everything is good.  A positive conversation.  Another parent asked me a weird question, she asked, "How did you feel when you found out you had cancer?"  That is a strange question.  Nobody has asked me that before.  I told her I felt "devastated" but not shocked.  She asked because she is preparing herself for the worst, family history of cancer.  I am not sure you can prepare yourself. I guess you can just be less shocked if it happens, but when it does, it is completely surreal and you just start floating through a darkness and lose control.  I didn't tell her that, she may have thought I was a little too wacky.

I went and bought my favorite nurses some yummy chocolates, I hope the three I like best are there.  They have really treated me like a friend. They understood that I am someone who just wants in and out and done.  They are kind and understand, yeah, I know, that is their job.  Then they are good at it.

My post last chemo celebration is a baseball game. Argh!!!!  I was thinking a nice dinner would be in order, nope. Dane and Brad have a game so Marley and I will meet them at the field when were done.  I probably will take her for ice cream or something for being a trooper and sitting with me for 2 hours of nothing. I am glad she is going, I think it is important for her to see what I have/am doing. I asked if she was going to be okay with it and she said she "had no idea" if she will be or not.  Good answer I guess.

Signing off...next blog I will not be a chemo patient anymore.  Yahoooooooooooooo!