Today was one of the busiest non medical days that I have had in a long time. We worked on our bedroom, trying to make it a better sleep environment for me all morning, then I took the kids to BatFest in downtown Batavia, then the Boo Bash at my school, then a party for adults this evening. Good thing I am so well rested for days like these...
On the fun note, Mars won a costume contest at BatFest, her luchadora costume turned out really cute. :)
Finding something to wear as a costume was a challenge for me. Not only do my normal clothes not fit me due to weight gain and body changes, I am all sharpied up to my neck from radiation. I can't wear anything that scoops even a smidgen or isn't practically a turtle neck. Just when I thought things for my self esteem couldn't get much worse, it did.
I just returned from the party and I have to say that it is not easy taking a step back and not being in the midst of all the fun. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed myself, but not like I would have if I wasn't the me I am now. It is a hard change of life...especially for a social person like myself. I don't know the right adaptation here, I feel like if I don't act like old me, I look like something is wrong. Well, there is...and I am dealing with it. I want to have fun with my friends like I used to, and it deeply saddens me that I can't and everyone else's life just goes on and all is fine. Sucks I guess. Not their fault, and I am glad that they are enjoying themselves, that is what people need to do more. I need to enjoy more also, I just forgot how I guess, I have become a little reserved. I am super self conscious, always uncomfortable and feel like I don't want to draw attention to myself. Too many changes. Still so much to digest, especially now that we have the party and holiday season approaching. I have fantastic friends, so that is a huge bonus....Thank Goodness for them!
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