At Home with Pictures

I spent another day at home doing nothing.  I have to get better and pushing it is not the answer.  Marley had a friend over and was entertained which left me to rest and not have to feel guilty for not playing or running around. I did spend some time working on my photo books on the computer.  One of the books that I finished today was this blog.  I put the entire blog, up to last night's entry, into a book.  I added extra photos, things I had on my phone to accompany some of the events that were good over the past 5 months.  The only bad thing about the blog to book, is that it skips the comments.  As much as I would love to include those, I had to make a decision to continue on this platform and actually finish the book in one sitting.  The book is about 150 pages and I am glad that I will have a hard copy for future generations to look back at Great Grandma Donnanne's sucky year.

Each time I work with my photos I get so sad.  I look so lively and happy (often goofy making faces) in them.  I have a normal body and lots of crazy red hair.  When I look at them I see me.  When I look in the mirror in real time, it is so not me...it is really disturbing and makes me sad.  These superficial things are dumb, and I know it, but it is just like a daily annoyance on top of all the real heavy duty stuff.  Just being with my wonderful kids is the most important thing, not what I look like.  I don't feel good so it makes things worse. I am not used to being the one to shy away from people and be a wall flower. I love to be the loud, fun one who is just kooky. I miss her and her energy...Come back soon! 

Other than that I did nothing.  Seriously bored, but lack energy.  I think I am getting a little better.  I have a lot of weird feelings around my neck, chest, port area... it most likely is due to my cold or due to the fact I am crazy.  Not sure.

I actually made dinner tonight.  I made stuffed shells and apple crisp.  Then Marley and I went old school and played: Candyland, Chutes and Ladders, Perfection and Sorry.  We also worked on some art.  Getting ready for bed.  I miss Dane but have seen just a few pictures of him on the camp page, it looks like they keep the kids super busy. So far there has been: archery (yeah!), swimming, canoeing, crafts, they had an exotic zoo come in, ziplining, tie dying, they had a scientist come in, Hawaiian party, etc... Looks like way more fun than he would be having here!  I will be happy to see him even though I know he will be sad that camp is over. He has two and a half days left!

Nothing on the books for tomorrow...keeping it that way until this cold is gone... Friday is chemo and can't miss that.... stay on schedule.... no other option!