Fall is in the air....on July 30?

I reached my goals again... the getting up and walking and reaching another 8500 steps at 8:40 p.m. and not taking any sleep drugs.  I am also not sleeping any better, but at least I have the control of knowing that I won't be doing something goofy or dangerous activities while sleeping. If you didn't have sleep anxiety already, just reading the warnings and possible side effects would give it to you.

Seems like a lot of things are coming to a head.  I have a several appointments for myself or the kids, we are finally taking a trip, everyone is thinking of back to school...maybe even more because of the early "fall" weather. I can't recall the last July 30th where I was in jeans, t-shirt and a light jacket...LOVE IT!!  A lot is going on.  I need to keep a level head, prioritize and simplify.

Still coping with all the head games, and the lack of sleep doesn't help.  I have been feeling pretty down and need to snap out of it. I bet one good night's sleep would rejuvenate me for a week!  Let's hope it's tonight!  I will have to say the last two days where I have walked and made a more conscious effort to be active, I have been busted tired by 9:00 p.m.. I am hoping this catches up and zonks me out.  I know whether or not I have slept. Two tell tale signs.  The first is if I can remember any dreams, or anything that was not from the previous day, if I can, then I got some sleep.  Two: Headache.  If I get out of bed in the morning with a headache, it was a fitful night.  I try not to look at the clock anymore, it is too detrimental to keep time between peeks.... The drugs that gave me 3-4 hours didn't come with a headache, but I am sticking to my guns and going to beat this on my own.  I am the little engine that could.... I think I can sleep, I think I can sleep.... Same old story, getting sick of this insomnia crap.

I am trying really, really hard to stay optimistic about everything, sleep, doc visits, hair, my mental well being, work, family, everything.....I have to leave it all downstairs and not take it to bed with me....

Tomorrow I see the surgeon.  I have a second round of healing going on I guess because everything is tight again.  I also feel my port more and I hate that so much!!!  I am sure it isn't worn out, but it is getting a lot of use.  I have been in chemo for 16 weeks!  My port has been accessed 16 times for either blood or drugs. Oh and the gross transfusion....Ew.  Yikes. 8 more to go.... chugga, chugga....