Downer of a Day

Well, this is the second time I am writing this post because of some glitch, it all disappeared when I was almost done. In my first post I was explaining how today was one of those days when you could cry on a dime...I am not crying now, but I could be...give me a minute.  Today was that kind of day.  I had a very sad and lonely feeling all day.  I wasn't alone more than two hours while Marley was at a party, so it wasn't the physical loneliness I was feeling.  Nothing bad happened so I had no real reason to be sad. I just was.  I can't explain it, but even people who aren't going through this get these kind of days, they just stink.  I have weird aches in my chest and neck an believe my port is some form of scientific devise that is moving and becoming attached to my body like a parasite. I swear I feel movement and it is really creepy and then I get the heeby geebies from my own neck.  I am sure it has to be the cold and the drugs, but I am not having fun. I guess nobody said it was going to be fun. Guess what, it's not.

Besides taking Mars to her party, I did nothing. I am afraid I am getting good at doing nothing or I have crossed the line and that is who I have become a big, lazy goon.  I am getting soft in the middle from no exercise and soft in the brain because I don't think...Duh.  I wonder if I drool.  Most likely.  When this cold is over I am pledging to myself to get my ass in gear, physically and mentally. I have to, regardless of how tired or crappy I feel, because this isn't doing me much good.  We did walk to the library tonight, so I am not a total loser.  Walk and books...promising....

Tomorrow is chemo and of course, like always, I don't want to go. I am sure the doc will say I am fine enough, because my cold hasn't become any worse. I think it is getting a bit better. Tomorrow is Herceptin, so it is an extra 30 minutes, whoo hoo.  Brad is going with me for the doctor appointment and then Debby will tag team him out to sit with me.  Since I know I will eat anything that comes my way after chemo, we are planning to go get some Mexican food.  I will hit the afternoon wall and maybe take a rest and catch a second wind for the evening, even though we don't have plans to do anything. 

The new plan is for all of us to get Dane on Saturday.  I want to leave at noon, go back to the lovely town of Davenport to go to the Figge Art Museum and then retrieve Dane and take him for a good dinner.  Then home.  That seems to be the best way to do it. I am afraid to drive the 5 hour round trip alone the day after chemo due to fatigue. Plus we want to see the Figge.  I am really looking forward to our trip to Door County.  If this family doesn't get a change of scenery soon we are all going to lose it....more than I already have.