Productive

When I went to bed last night I had a strong overwhelming sadness sweep over me.  I miss my mom.  It was Mother's Day and I really wanted her.  I have wanted, and needed my mom from day one of this ordeal and it just hit me hard last night.  I talked to her.  I believe, or hope, she could hear me.   I have asked her to help me through this, to protect me and send me strength.  I know she already has.  Most of all, I told her I loved her and missed her.  Nothing replaces a mom. That is always a lingering thought with this mess, I want my kids to have me, their mom. Sometimes I calculate in my head how old they would be if I only had 5, 10, 15 years... I know. Morbid. I am pretty sure you would too.  I don't like it, I try not to.  I want to see my babies grow up.  I want to and WILL.  Not an option.

I woke today feeling really great.  I have one little canker sore still, but not bad.  I religiously brush my teeth several times a day, or rinse with baking soda to help keep my mouth sparkly clean.  My hair still growing. The peach fuzz continues my false hope of my new head of hair half way through my chemo... pipe dream.   I am not going for a recheck tomorrow on day 10 of the Nuelasta, I don't want bad news, I will wait until Friday.  She said it will work. It better.  I am being good, staying out of public places.  I started Marley's room redecoration.  I spent 6 hours stripping wallpaper listening to the Loop.  Jealous?  When was the last time you got to listen to Whitesnake, or 8 Pink Flyod songs followed by the Stones?  It was a productive day.  It was followed by a baseball game, outside and away from people.  Late dinner sponsored by Kerrie and now winding down. Kind of felt like a normal day.  Hoping for a repeat tomorrow.

When Kerrie stopped by at lunch, I asked her what look she preferred, and she asked for Cleopatra. I dont' have her, so I opted for blonde.   It got some giggles.  Giggles are good.  I waited on the front porch for Dane to get off the bus and he was mortified. Perfect.  I told him if he didn't get his homework up or acted up, I would be waiting at the bus stop each day in a different look.   I might just do that anyway....Just a bald mom trying to have fun....