Trudging Along....

Marley just asked me if I just blog about how I am feeling, and I said yes. She said, "Well then you only need one word. Blah. Is that a word?"  I told her it is the exact word that sums up how I feel.  Today was another day on the couch, not much else I could do but rest.  I took naps and hung out with Dane. We actually had some nice mom and son time and just chatted, he was good company on a gloomy weathered and tummy day. The nausea is still here, but I have avoided vomiting for the afternoon.  Bright side!

When I am in these first 72 hours after chemo, my world is rather bleak.  I let myself get weak and wander down some dark paths. It takes all I have to pull me out. I know I am strong enough to do so, but when your internal organs are having a war, sometimes you want to surrender.   Mainly talking out my weak points, fears or pity party topics usually helps. Especially when I am reminded that I it is because I feel crappy and it too will pass...  If I find my rational self, which I usually can, because believe it or not,  I am a rational person.... I can realize that the last two rounds of chemo, the crud lasted a week.  Which means, I have a few more days, with them progressively getting better to endure.  Then if I am lucky, I will have two good weeks. I suspect that the first week I will have low wbc again, because the Nuelasta kicks in late and we took it a day late.  Which means next week I will be homebound to be safe. Then if the pattern repeats, the shot kicks in and raises the wbc, giving me the one final week to maybe get out a bit. I have not felt the transfusion difference, maybe I won't. who knows!  Then Round 4.  I am telling you that it will be a tough one to do, but knowing it is the last one to do, it may be welcomed.   Doubtful.

Planning on going to bed early, like now...even though I have pretty much been in bed for three days in one way or another.  I am hoping I will be on the upswing tomorrow. I have a doctor appointment check up with the surgeon tomorrow.  Hoping she may be able to write me a prescription for physical therapy to build strength back in my arms.  I would like to shoot my bow soon.  All of my scabs are gone and my scars are starting to fade...well, that's kind of funny, there is NO way they could fade, but let's just say they look better than they did weeks ago....and I will take anything on that front.

Thank you for the good karma and prayers to get me through these days...  I sometimes think I am like the Little Engine that Could....I think I can, I think I can.... chugga, chugga....